Jessica Rabbit famously quipped, “I’m not bad, I’m just drawn that way.” In similar fashion, bondage is often misunderstood based on its portrayal.
Mainstream television, media, and books like Fifty Shades of Grey often misrepresent BDSM practices, while nods to bondage in fashion and art are typically considered avant-garde and alluring.
In the context of sex and intimacy, bondage can get a bad rap, but don’t get it twisted. Strip away the “painful” misconceptions and you’ll find a healthy catalyst for intimacy and pleasure.
Demystifying the “B” Word
Many think that bondage is synonymous with the terms BDSM, fetish, and kink, but they are different.
BDSM is the umbrella acronym for separate consensual activities. All of these are rooted in SSC (safe, sane, consensual), and RACK (risk-aware consensual kink).
- BD: bondage and discipline
- D/s: dominance and submission
- SM: sadism (receiving pain for pleasure) and masochism (inflicting pain for pleasure)
Bare-bones bondage play is the act of physically restraining a partner. Whether you use a heavy-duty hogtie, ultra-femme cuffs, satin ties, or traditional Japanese Shibari rope, this erotic exchange of power can deeply enhance closeness.
1. Cerebral
To be dominant is to be a compassionate, attentive, and responsible caretaker. The submissive sets the flow and boundaries. Psychological value comes from knowing what the submissive partner desires from one minute to the next. In some contexts, the submissive partner may find bondage play to be liberating and cathartic. Releasing inhibitions and surrendering can help relieve stress, compounded emotions, and negative thought patterns. Bondage can launch a profound immersion into a trance-like headspace, aka subspace.
2. Physical
The hustle of everyday life can prevent us from being fully present. Bondage demands complete attention. The soft caress of a satin tie, hot wax drips, the pressure of strategically placed bondage rope—these sensations fully anchor us to the moment while exploring new avenues of pleasure.
3. Emotional
Bondage play creates a container for emotional security that can transcend physical and mental connection. The communication skills you hone, the trust you build, and the boundaries you set can help define or redefine what you need from a partner. Sexual dissatisfaction doesn’t mean you’ve fallen out of love. You may have lost the ability to connect. Couple’s bondage play provides new ways to rekindle play and emotional connection.
Set the stage:
- Research techniques, positions, and risks.
- Determine a safeword or safe signal.
- Practice getting in and out of restraints or ropes.
- Keep curb-tip safety shears or handcuff keys handy.
Tie it all together:
- Try an all-in-one, under-the-bed restraint system before investing in rope.
- Remove sight with a blindfold to enhance the other senses.
- Focus on edging vs. orgasming.
- Use a paddle-style brush for soft scratches and spankings.
- Aftercare is essential. Nourish the nervous system with inhaling salts or a soothing weighted blanket to enhance serotonin production and relaxation.
Bondage has the potential to enrich relationships in profound ways. Don’t believe it? Reach for some rope.
Casey Murphy is a certified sex educator, a pleasure products expert, and a PR and marketing strategist for the business of pleasure.
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