A great sex life is built on safety, creativity, and sometimes, the art of an epic tease. Enter … wait for it … edging.
If you’ve been looking for ways to take your sex life to the next level, you’ve come to the right place. Edging is a technique for orgasm control that can improve your sex life by making intercourse much more pleasurable. If you’ve never experienced the excitement of edging, you’re in for a treat.
Keep reading to get the inside scoop on how to blow your partner’s mind in bed with these amazing edging tips.
Let’s start by describing exactly what is meant by the term edging. The most basic definition of edging is the practice of taking yourself, or your partner, right up to the edge of orgasm, and then pulling back. In other words, the idea is to tease your partner without allowing them to climax. Sounds kind of like torture, right? Well, yes and no.
Contrary to what you might imagine, delayed gratification can make you feel as though you are about to burst, making the physical sensations far more intense and satisfying. Even though it may seem counterintuitive, when you perform edging, you are increasing stimulation rather than reducing it.
How Do You Perform Edging?
Keep in mind that edging is all about stopping and starting. Right when you or your sexual partner feel like you’re going to orgasm, the key is to immediately pull back so that the experience is nearly unbearable, making them (or you) crave release more than ever before.
For example, you could use the squeeze method, for people with penises. This is when you stop all motion and grasp your partner’s penis to prevent them from ejaculating. This may seem like it would feel extremely frustrating, as they build toward release, but the inability to climax is often every bit as intense and satisfying as reaching orgasm.
The best way to bring a lover with a vulva or vagina to the edge of orgasm is to stimulate their clitoris as lightly as possible, and then pull away just as they are starting to climax. This will actually drive them wild, and they’ll beg for mercy.
Just remember that the key to maximizing sexual stimulation and pleasure is to delay orgasm as long as possible. That means you may want to bring them to the edge more than once, before finally making space for an orgasm.
Why Does Edging Create Such an Intense Orgasm?
Few can deny the added eroticism of elongated flirtation and teasing. Well, when you practice edging, you are essentially teasing your partner until they feel like they can’t take it anymore. And then when they finally reach the point of orgasm, the extended delay of gratification has caused every nerve ending in their body to be primed for an explosion of pleasure.
Edging Actually Helps Reduce Premature Ejaculation
One of the great benefits of embracing edging is the fact that it can be done solo or with a partner. In other words, people with penises can learn to bring themselves to the point of ejaculation and then stop masturbating, which then stops stimulation.
This can actually help reduce early (premature) ejaculation so that they’ll last longer in bed, which can be great for sexual health and satisfaction with a partner.
Learning the Best Edging Techniques
OK, now it’s time to take a look at some techniques for making the most of edging with your partner. Some people love to include sex toys in their lovemaking, while others prefer their fingers, mouths, penis, clitoris, vulva, vagina, or anus.
An example of this would be to incorporate dildos, vibrators, or other sex accessories. To increase the surrender to the tease, you might even play with some light (or intense—if that’s your thing) bondage. Controlling for excess movement can increase the sensory experience on your genitals, and drive you out of your mind. If this feels safe for you, it can be a recipe for closeness and a world-class orgasm.
Your basic options depend on your personal preferences. Just keep in mind that the best way to maximize pleasure for both you and your partner is through communication.
Another technique is to incorporate the green light, red light method of preventing overstimulation or an orgasm into your erotic experience.
For example, where you or your partner is getting close to the point of no return, you simply say “red light” in order to let your partner know that you have reached the edge. When they hear your cue, they know to stop right before you orgasm.
Once you’ve relaxed enough to regain control, you can then say “green light” as a signal for your partner to proceed with gentle stimulation.
The green light, red light system helps you from going too far so that you can maximize pleasure for each other without either one of you reaching orgasm too quickly. It’s also important to understand each other’s sexual triggers for increased arousal, so that you won’t risk tipping over the edge before you’re ready.
If the words red light, green light are a mood killer, find other words together that communicate stop and go, but in a more meaningful way.
Remember to treat edging like a game. The trick is to push them as close as possible to full-throttle orgasm without them actually reaching the point of release.
Some people might have safety concerns about edging. So that begs the question, is it safe?
Well, as with any type of sexual activity, you’d be wise to check with your doctor about the health of your heart. This is just standard medical advice. It’s also something to discuss with your doctor if you’re currently taking any type of prescription medication, especially sexual medicine for conditions such as erectile dysfunction, to make sure there are no side effects or complications. But overall, when practiced in moderation, the sexual practice of edging can be every bit as healthy for the average adult as any other form of sexual activity. Taken to excess, it can lead to some desensitization for non-edging sex.
Initially, you might think that edging as a form of orgasm control seems difficult to master. That’s why it’s important to practice both by yourself and with a partner. Soon you’ll learn to love the control it gives you over yourself and how empowering it feels to take your partner to the edge and make them beg for more.
It’s OK to have questions or to fumble through your first few experiences. A sex therapist can help you learn more about the technique and help you and/or your partner explore how to incorporate edging into your sexual repertoire.
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Dr. Kate Balestrieri is a licensed psychologist, certified sex therapist, certified sex addiction therapist, PACT therapist, and founder of Modern Intimacy, a group practice in Los Angeles, Miami, and Chicago. Listen to her podcast, Modern Intimacy, and follow her on IG @drkatebalestrieri.
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