The greatest trick the Devil ever played was convincing us that the path to orgasmic pleasure starts and stops with penetrative sex.
But—outercourse is “real” sex too.
“We are finally valuing pleasure beyond what we were told it should be. Once upon a time, it was all about penetration,” says April Lampert, cohost of the Shameless Sex. “Now, science is showing us the importance of focusing on body parts with high concentrations of nerve endings designed to feel pleasure. And when we are talking about vulva owners in particular, the external part of the genitals are gold,” her cohost Amy Baldwin adds.
“Many of our most nerve-rich erogenous zones are located on the outside of the body and can be highly stimulated through rubbing, squeezing, stroking, and kissing. When we focus on internal stimulation without integrating those external zones, we miss out on the potential for deeper, more satisfying pleasure,” explains Nora Langknecht, sex educator and marketing manager at Fun Factory “There are certain sexual scripts that so many of us subscribe to without even knowing, scripts that tell us that PIV is the main and final act. Stepping outside of those scripts opens you up to a world of more extensive, more playful, more expansive fun.”
In fact, non-penetrative sex has many benefits. It can increase trust and closeness, build lasting sexual tension, and boost confidence in the bedroom.
A few outercourse hot spots:
PSA: The clit has, on average, 10,280 nerve fibers. (For perspective, the head of a penis averages 4,000.) Brush up on technique with these fingering tips and this oral sex trick.
This is the fleshy area right above the clitoris, and massaging the area can indirectly stimulate the clit and labia. Another idea: Consider bringing back grinding.
Touch those titties! As we previously reported, the genital sensory cortex lights up the same way for nipple stimulation as it does for clitoral and other genital stimulation. So, yeah—nipple orgasms are real. And even if nipple stimulation doesn’t lead to orgasm, it can still be incredibly pleasurable.
Yep, we’re talking foot play. Here are some tips for trying it out.
There are tons of nerve endings in your scalp—put them to use during sex. Lightly run your fingers over the scalp, or try a little hair-pulling action if you’re so inclined.
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Amy is a Sex and Relationship Coach, Certified Sex Educator, lead educator for Uberlube, as well as co-owner of a mother-daughter owned online pleasure boutique, and was also voted 2022’s Sexpert of the Year. April is Vice President and co-owner of Hot Octopuss, an innovative pleasure product company, and was voted Woman of the Year in the pleasure product industry. Together, Amy and April combined forces to create the Shameless Sex Podcast, inspiring radical self-love, sexual empowerment, and shame-free intimacy. To learn more, or to preorder their upcoming book Shameless Sex: Choose Your Own Pleasure Path to Unlock the Sex Life You’ve Been Waiting For, go to shamelesssex.com.
Nora Langknecht holds a master’s degree from UBC at the Social Justice Institute, in Gender, Race, Sexuality, and Social Justice. She’s a real-life Otis from Sex Education. She grew up with an MFT sex therapist as a mother, who also taught sex education in her own school to her and all her friends, but Nora also followed in her footsteps.
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