Dating is about possibility. It could lead to something more if you want it to.
Every date offers the possibility of connecting, of meeting someone you’re crazy about who gives you that jittery, oh-my-God-this-might-be-my-soulmate feeling. With that said, there are some instances when you should absolutely consider putting dating on pause.
1. You keep ignoring the same red flags.
Repeating old cycles, being flexible with boundaries, lowering standards for potential partners—you get the point. Oftentimes, we sell ourselves short and take whatever is being offered to us in a relationship because we don’t know our worth, nor do we love ourselves enough to have standards and keep them. People can only do what you allow them to, and when we truly understand this, then, and only then, will we lessen the toxic experiences of others.
2. You have no time for anything else.
You jump at every opportunity to go on a potential date, even if that means canceling plans with friends. You also keep your schedule clear on the off chance someone asks you out. Prioritizing a date over a friend is never a good idea. These friends are likely the same ones you turn to when things go south.
3. Projecting trust issues onto someone new.
You may be over your ex, but there’s still work to be done, my friend. There are traumas to unpack, unconscious behaviors, and repressed emotions to delve into. Avoidance might seem like an easy escape, but it comes at a price. Unhealed wounds linger, affecting every aspect of your life, chaining you to the past, and hurting others. Let’s break free from that cycle and choose the path of courageous healing.
4. You just got out of a serious relationship.
After a breakup, you may be vulnerable and insecure, which can lead to dating for all the wrong reasons. Meeting someone too soon after a relationship can result in two things: fostering co-dependency with a new partner and being more stuck, or seeing someone for a while to fill the void, losing interest, and ending it (so essentially using them).
5. You’ve put your life goals on hold.
Dreams and aspirations are things you should never sacrifice for a relationship. They are a part of who you are and, often, where you’re headed. To abandon them for a relationship is self-sabotage. Rejoice in all the things that make you feel passionate, vibrant, and alive.
The presence of any of these five factors is a clear sign that it is time to pump the brakes and shift your focus. Love is the thing we crave most as human beings, but the truth is that life only gives you what you’re ready for. Take time for yourself, and rest assured that true love will show up when you’re mentally, spiritually, and emotionally available and ready for it.
Dalia Hendrix is a self-love and relationship expert, coach, and therapist. She is passionate about encouraging women to build lasting confidence and thrive in their relationships. She specializes in the areas of dating and marriage, inspiring women to heal negative behavior and thinking patterns and move on from toxic relationships. You can follow her on IG @iamdaliasmith.
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