Skip to main content
Close Close

Congratulations
You're on the list.

Make sure to check your spam folder so that our emails are always delivered into your inbox.
xo, Kourt
Give your inbox
and your life

the Poosh it needs.
By clicking SIGN UP, you agree to receive emails from Poosh and agree to our terms of use and privacy policy.
Free Shipping on All Domestic Orders.
  • HEALTH + WELLNESS
  • LIFE + STYLE
  • HOME + ENTERTAINING
  • KKB
Poosh
  • instagram pinterest facebook twitter youtube join newsletter
  • Shop
  • search
  • search
  • body
  • diy
  • fitness
  • Giving Back
  • health
  • mind
  • Relationships
  • Sexual Wellness
  • soul
A Perfect Workout for Your Ovulatory Phase
A Perfect Workout for Your Ovulatory Phase
7 Easy Biohacks You Can Start Doing Right Now
7 Easy Biohacks You Can Start Doing Right Now
Do Opposites Really Attract?
Do Opposites Really Attract?
The Self-Care Ritual That Actually Relieves my Pain
The Self-Care Ritual That Actually Relieves my Pain
Is Trauma Trapped in Your Body?
Is Trauma Trapped in Your Body?
How Arousal Mapping Can Awaken Your Desire
How Arousal Mapping Can Awaken Your Desire
  • Adulting
  • beauty
  • guides
  • Hacks
  • style
  • travel
Stylist Dani Michelle Shares Her Transitional Dressing Must-Haves
Stylist Dani Michelle Shares Her Transitional Dressing Must-Haves
Poosh Product Picks: Madeleine Rose
Poosh Product Picks: Madeleine Rose
Poosh Pause: My Bali Reset
Poosh Pause: My Bali Reset
How to Detect Narcissist Red Flags
How to Detect Narcissist Red Flags
I’m Getting Married in 8 Months—This Is My Expert-Approved Skin Treatment Schedule
I’m Getting Married in 8 Months—This Is My Expert-Approved Skin Treatment Schedule
How to Thrive, Not Just Survive
How to Thrive, Not Just Survive
  • decor
  • entertaining
  • kids
  • motherhood
  • Playlists
  • recipes
Khloé Kardashian’s Easy Weeknight Slow Cooker Veggie Burrito Bowls
Khloé Kardashian’s Easy Weeknight Slow Cooker Veggie Burrito Bowls
Hormone Healthy Raw Carrot Salad Recipe
Hormone Healthy Raw Carrot Salad Recipe
Must-Have Items New Moms Swear By
Must-Have Items New Moms Swear By
Vegan Armenian Lahmacun Recipe From Kourt’s Incredible Spread
Vegan Armenian Lahmacun Recipe From Kourt’s Incredible Spread
Kourt’s Favorite Cajun Kale Chips
Kourt’s Favorite Cajun Kale Chips
Under $50: Chic Bathroom Organization Accessories
Under $50: Chic Bathroom Organization Accessories
  • family
  • kourtney
Khloé Kardashian’s Easy Weeknight Slow Cooker Veggie Burrito Bowls
Khloé Kardashian’s Easy Weeknight Slow Cooker Veggie Burrito Bowls
Vegan Armenian Lahmacun Recipe From Kourt’s Incredible Spread
Vegan Armenian Lahmacun Recipe From Kourt’s Incredible Spread
Why Kourt Loves Seed Cycling
Why Kourt Loves Seed Cycling
Kourt’s Favorite Cajun Kale Chips
Kourt’s Favorite Cajun Kale Chips
3 Salads Kourt is Eating on Rotation Right Now
3 Salads Kourt is Eating on Rotation Right Now
Kourtney’s Wet Hair Look: The Breakdown
Kourtney’s Wet Hair Look: The Breakdown
What are you looking for?

Menu

  • Shop
  • HEALTH + WELLNESS
    • body
    • diy
    • fitness
    • Giving Back
    • health
    • mind
    • Relationships
    • Sexual Wellness
    • soul
  • HOME + ENTERTAINING
    • decor
    • entertaining
    • kids
    • motherhood
    • Playlists
    • recipes
  • KKB
    • family
    • kourtney
  • LIFE + STYLE
    • Adulting
    • beauty
    • guides
    • Hacks
    • style
    • travel
  • Newsletter
instagram pinterest facebook twitter youtube join newsletter
mind

BOUNDARIES: Why They Are Healthy

By Erica Spiegelman
share on pinterest share on facebook share on twitter Share on Flipboard share by email
 Photo credit @oraclefox
@oraclefox

As a wellness specialist and counselor, I meet many people who are not familiar with boundaries. So if you are one of them, you are not alone. Let’s get to know and define boundaries. They will be the most helpful tool in leading a healthy life: mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically.

Boundaries are guidelines, rules, or limits that a person creates to identify for themselves what are reasonable, safe, and permissible ways for other people to behave toward them and how they will respond when someone steps past those limits. It’s important to have boundaries and non-negotiables for ourselves.

Many of us have learned unhealthy boundaries when faced with life stressors. For some, it may be difficult to keep good boundaries in relationships or work. Boundaries are a problem when they are too close or too distant. Learning to establish healthy boundaries is an essential part of living your best life.

Brené Brown said it best: “When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated.”

Why Do We Need Boundaries?

Boundaries establish safety. They protect us from harm either physically, emotionally, sexually, or otherwise. They prevent us from feeling exploited, and when established, help us feel empowered. We can get to know ourselves and our values better, and that helps with building confidence and self-love.

Common Boundary Issues

There are two ends of the spectrum with boundaries. One is enmeshment—the lack of boundaries. The other is detachment—too many boundaries resulting in isolation. Neither extreme is healthy. The goal is to set the appropriate amount of boundaries to maintain safety and a sense of self, while understanding that the human experience requires interdependence.

Setting Healthy Boundaries


Step #1: Clarify boundaries. Know which behaviors are and are not acceptable to you.
Step #2: Clarify consequences. Decide what you will do if the boundary is violated.
For example, “When you guilt me, yell at me, belittle me, disrespect me…”
Possible consequences: “I will: hang up the phone, leave the room, excuse myself from your life, etc.”
Step #3: Communicate. Let others know what your boundaries are and what the consequences are for violating them. (You might do this in advance. Or you might do it once the line has been crossed. In this case, you’d tell the person what was unacceptable to you and what will happen if they do it again.)
Step #4: Follow through. If a line is crossed, you need to do what you said you would. Otherwise, people will learn to not take you seriously.

Get your journal out or a piece of paper and list people in your life with whom you have a lack of boundaries (enmeshment). One of the most common features of people who struggle with boundary issues is their inability to utter the word “no.” They say “yes” to all kinds of requests in order to be nice, to be helpful, or to be needed, and then feel totally overwhelmed by how much is on their plates.

Often these types are found doing tons of charity work, volunteering at their kids’ school, being on the neighborhood watch team, working overtime at the office, helping friends move, and watching other people’s pets. Their instincts might be in the right place of wanting to help others, but the consequences to this can be catastrophic. Sometimes it’s simply necessary to tell your boss “no” in order to maintain time commitments to family, friends, and self. Sometimes it’s important to just trust the Universe that everything will get done—even if not by you.

If you are the proverbial “people-pleaser” type, you may have to swing the pendulum to the opposite direction temporarily by placing a moratorium on helping others. Perhaps for just 30 days, you will only concentrate on yourself.

When was the last time you got a massage or went to the spa? When did you last snuggle under the covers and read a good book? Have you made time for doing something fun with a friend?

If you have chronically over-committed your time, you need to practice a “fast” from accepting requests from other people and just pull your energies inward toward self-repair. This can be difficult, but it is not impossible. If people really care about you, they will support your self-care and simply ask someone else to help them out.

In my book The Rewired Life, I discuss how people who overcommit often bear the family role of the “hero.” They are the ones whom everyone else counts on. It can be a source of ego-deflation to stop saving and helping other people. You might feel like you’re losing your identity. But even heroes need downtime. You can’t really be of service to others if you’re tired, depleted, and miserable. That is a form of “emotional debting” to yourself.

It might be tricky to change this pattern in your life, but over time, people will come to respect you more for setting healthy boundaries and respecting your own time. They will see you as an excellent example of someone who is managing their time, and will admire you for it.

Erica Spiegelman is a wellness specialist, recovery counselor, and author of the new book The Rewired Life (2018) as well as Rewired: A Bold New Approach to Addiction & Recovery(2015), the Rewired Workbook (2017), the Rewired Coloring Book (2017), all published by Hatherleigh Press. Erica holds a bachelor’s degree in literature from the University of Arizona and is a California State Certified Drug and Alcohol Counselor (CADAC)-II from UCLA. For more information, visit Erica’s website or follow @Erica Spiegelman on Instagram.

The content provided in this article is provided for information purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice and consultation, including professional medical advice and consultation; it is provided with the understanding that Poosh, LLC (“Poosh”) is not engaged in the provision or rendering of medical advice or services. The opinions and content included in the article are the views of the author only, and Poosh does not endorse or recommend any such content or information, or any product or service mentioned in the article. You understand and agree that Poosh shall not be liable for any claim, loss, or damage arising out of the use of, or reliance upon any content or information in the article.

You may also like...

Go to article 8 Simple Ways to Reduce and Combat Toxic Stress
HEALTH + WELLNESS

8 Simple Ways to Reduce and Combat Toxic Stress

Go to article The Power of Manifesting
mind

The Power of Manifesting

Related Articles

Goes to article Is Trauma Trapped in Your Body?
body

Is Trauma Trapped in Your Body?

Goes to article 7 Green Flags in Yourself
mind

7 Green Flags in Yourself

Goes to article 5 Common Lies We Tell Ourselves
mind

5 Common Lies We Tell Ourselves

Goes to article How Anger Affects the Body
body

How Anger Affects the Body

Goes to article Poosh Positive: Ways to Embrace and Love Your Body
body

Poosh Positive: Ways to Embrace and Love Your Body

Goes to article WTF Is Divine Feminine Energy and How Do We Harness It?
soul

WTF Is Divine Feminine Energy and How Do We Harness It?

Goes to article 8 Simple Ways to Reduce and Combat Toxic Stress
HEALTH + WELLNESS

8 Simple Ways to Reduce and Combat Toxic Stress

Goes to article Did You Know…Boredom is Good for You?
mind

Did You Know…Boredom is Good for You?

  • About
  • Contact
  • Terms & Conditions
  • Privacy Policy
  • Cookie Policy
  • California Privacy Rights
  • Affiliate Disclosure
  • Accessibility

Keep in Touch

instagram pinterest facebook twitter youtube join newsletter
Reviewed by Allyant for Accessibility
  • © poosh, llc
    All Rights Reserved