Does cum velocity matter? How do you actually use a dildo? Yep, here at Poosh, we’re not afraid to ask the ~ahem~ hard questions.
Today, we’re here to discuss the humble hand job. While this was originally going to be a straight-up compilation of hand job tips (which we’re still including, don’t worry), a few of us began to wonder … are hand jobs back? Did they even go anywhere?
Like fingering, hand jobs haven’t historically been considered “real sex” (read: penis-in-vagina) among heterosexual couples. Like, they’re just one of the bases you round on your way to home plate. A juvenile, immature sexual act.
“I think hand jobs are underrated because penetrative sex is overrated. So many of us have never experienced deeply pleasurable sex that isn’t penis in vagina/anus or dildo in vagina/anus,” says global leading sexologist Juliette Allen. However, she believes that the perception that penetrative sex is “real sex” is changing. “With more access to sex ed now, people are beginning to feel more empowered to ask for what they want and know what they desire,” she says. “They are also learning about different ways to experience pleasure and orgasm—ways outside of the traditional methods.”
Which brings us back to hand jobs.
“The subtleties of non-penetrative sex can be really powerful, especially when we begin to experience orgasmic energy simply from kissing, exchanging sexual energy with another person, or from having our pussy or c*ck touched just for the sake of it (not to do that and then move on to the next stage of penetrative sex),” Juliette says.
Since it’s probably been a minute since many of us have given a handy, Juliette shares some of her top tips below.
“Don’t race to the finish line by grabbing his c*ck and rubbing up and down with haste,” Juliette says. She says to build momentum with soft strokes and kisses around his balls, perineum, anus, and inner thighs. Then, gently and intentionally make your way to his c*ck. “Softly. Slowly. You want him to really want more, and want it bad! You want him begging for it,” she says.
“Lubricant helps your hands glide up and down and creates comfort with less friction. Yes, you can give a hand job dry (my other forte, lol), or use spit. But adding oil-based lube is my preference,” Juliette says. Her favorite is regular organic coconut oil.
Play with different pressures.
Your partner may love really firm pressure or prefer it softer. “Each penis enjoys a different touch,” Juliette says. “Ask him what he enjoys, and encourage him to share what he loves.” She also suggests paying attention to body language and sounds.
“There’s a whole heap of nerve endings in the head of the penis, which creates a lot of pleasure when being touched,” she says. One of her favorite techniques: “Put the tip of your thumb and pointer finger together to form a circle. Now in a round motion, move that circle around the head of his penis (rotating at your wrist). Play with pressure, and see how he responds.”
Don't be afraid to use both hands.
“I enjoy ‘reverse grip’, which means I grip the penis in the reverse way to what you’d expect (this is always a winner),” she says. Don’t mind us bookmarking this for later. She says another option is to use both hands at the same time—one at the top and one at the bottom or one on the c*ck and the other touching his balls/anus/perineum.
Resist the urge to try every trick all at once. “Stick to three or four good moves max, and instead, experiment with pressure,” Juliette says. “You’ll soon get to know what he loves and what he doesn’t. And it won’t take long before you’re feeling more confident. Practice makes perfect.
“Remember, every penis owner likes different things, so it’s important that you ask your lover what they want and what they enjoy. Not all tips will be right for every lover, so don’t be afraid to ask,” Juliette says.
“One last thing: If your partner takes a while to ejaculate (and ejaculation is the goal for him), I recommend asking him what he enjoys most and what ‘gets him off’ when he’s masturbating,” she says. “Remember though, having to cum doesn’t need to be a goal of hand jobs. It can lead up to other types of sex. Also, the pressure of having to cum can lead to a guy being in his head, worried that he won’t, or that he’ll ‘take too long.’ If you’re not enjoying giving the hand job or he takes a while and it frustrates you, then stop, and move onto something else.”
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