5 Signs You’re Ready To Move In Together

Moving in with your partner is a big step.

For most people, this decision indicates that you’re taking the relationship to the next level—waking up together every day, coordinating on groceries, bills, house chores, and committing to accommodating each other’s quirks and habits that may not always be the easiest to manage, despite how much you love each other.

So is there a right time to move in?

I say yes, but this doesn’t mean I’d suggest a specific timeline, per se because every couple goes at their own unique pace. That said, it takes time to get to know someone, so I wouldn’t recommend moving in together within the first three months of dating.

Here are five signs that it’s the right time to move in together:

1. You are on the exact same page about what this commitment means

Just because I believe moving in together is a big step (most of my clients see it this way too), you can’t assume that it has the same meaning for your partner without asking them. Are you moving in because there’s a long-term future here? Or are you moving in because why not?! You’re dating and you like each other, so it’s fun and convenient to live together, but it might not make things more serious.

2. You have grown-up, transparent conversations about finances

Are you moving into a place you can both comfortably afford? If not, is the primary earner comfortable with paying a larger share of the rent, if not all of it? If so, how is the other partner contributing to avoid resentment building up from the person who’s footing most of the bills?

3. You’ve spent enough time in each other’s living spaces to understand your partner’s routines, habits, and level of cleanliness

If one of you is messy and the other isn’t, that’s ok. Just talk about how to navigate your new shared space. If one of you is a night owl and the other isn’t, discuss how to compromise on noise, lights, etc.

4. You have evidence that you move through challenging situations well together

Does it turn into a giant debacle every time there’s an argument? If so, I’d suggest working on fight-or-flight tendencies before signing a lease that forces you to lock things down. Make sure there’s a willingness on both sides to understand and support each other when inevitable triggers come up and life throws curveballs at you. Is this someone you think will lovingly have your back when you need it most? Don’t be fooled by the idea that living under one roof will solve emotional needs that may not currently be getting met in the relationship.

5. You’re clear on expectations concerning how each of you spends your time.

If your partner has weekly poker nights or you have a regular commitment to watching The Bachelor with your friends, make sure you communicate about prioritizing your lives outside of each other, now that you live together. The last thing you want is to feel guilty for living your life while your partner has new expectations of how time should be spent in your new living situation, or vice versa. But it’s also important to prioritize being together at home or on date nights, so as not to take each other for granted and neglect that precious alone time.

Vulnerable conversations about finances and your feelings on a future with your partner can be uncomfortable, but it’s much more uncomfortable finding out you both weren’t on the same page further down the road. Of course, my guidelines above don’t guarantee that you’ll run off together into the sunset for life. But you’ll have a lot more clarity and, potentially, a lot less heartache on the other side when these mature and healthy concerns are addressed.

Claire Byrne is a heartbreak and finding-love coach. Get more of her tips on her podcast, Stop Wanting Him Back & Find Someone Better.