Skip to main content
Close Close

Congratulations
You're on the list.

Make sure to check your spam folder so that our emails are always delivered into your inbox.
xo, Kourt
Give your inbox
and your life

the Poosh it needs.
By clicking SIGN UP, you agree to receive emails from Poosh and agree to our terms of use and privacy policy.
Free Shipping on All Domestic Orders.
  • HEALTH + WELLNESS
  • LIFE + STYLE
  • HOME + ENTERTAINING
  • KKB
Poosh
  • instagram pinterest facebook twitter youtube join newsletter
  • Shop
  • search
  • search
  • body
  • diy
  • fitness
  • Giving Back
  • health
  • mind
  • Relationships
  • Sexual Wellness
  • soul
Are You Guilty of Detached Dating?
Are You Guilty of Detached Dating?
Do This Pelvic Floor Work for Better Orgasms
Do This Pelvic Floor Work for Better Orgasms
“I’m a Sex Therapist, and These Are the Top 3 Questions Couples Ask Me”
“I’m a Sex Therapist, and These Are the Top 3 Questions Couples Ask Me”
This Creamy Lemon Olive Oil Elixir Is the Cure for Water Retention
This Creamy Lemon Olive Oil Elixir Is the Cure for Water Retention
Do These 3 Things for Your Gut and Get the Best Sleep Ever
Do These 3 Things for Your Gut and Get the Best Sleep Ever
3 Reasons to Stop Saying “I’m Dead” and What to Say Instead, According to a Psychologist
3 Reasons to Stop Saying “I’m Dead” and What to Say Instead, According to a Psychologist
  • Adulting
  • beauty
  • guides
  • Hacks
  • style
  • travel
Under $25 Amazon Gems That Helped Me Conquer My Chaotic Closet
Under $25 Amazon Gems That Helped Me Conquer My Chaotic Closet
Scared of Retinol? Try One of These Natural Alternatives 
Scared of Retinol? Try One of These Natural Alternatives 
This Multitasking SPF Completes My Lazy-Girl Morning Routine
This Multitasking SPF Completes My Lazy-Girl Morning Routine
Clean-ish SPFs You’ll Actually Enjoy Wearing
Clean-ish SPFs You’ll Actually Enjoy Wearing
Embracing My Inner Romantic Is the Bravest Thing I’ve Ever Done
Embracing My Inner Romantic Is the Bravest Thing I’ve Ever Done
How This Serum Changed My Morning/Makeup Routine
How This Serum Changed My Morning/Makeup Routine
  • decor
  • entertaining
  • kids
  • motherhood
  • Playlists
  • recipes
Lentil Pasta Eggplant Bake Recipe
Lentil Pasta Eggplant Bake Recipe
This Creamy Lemon Olive Oil Elixir Is the Cure for Water Retention
This Creamy Lemon Olive Oil Elixir Is the Cure for Water Retention
These Hacks Make Small-Space Living SO Much Easier 
These Hacks Make Small-Space Living SO Much Easier 
Our 7 Most-Shared Recipes 
Our 7 Most-Shared Recipes 
Under $50: Outdoor Entertaining Essentials
Under $50: Outdoor Entertaining Essentials
Kourt’s Coconut Pudding Recipe
Kourt’s Coconut Pudding Recipe
  • family
  • kourtney
An Exclusive Peek at Khloé Kardashian’s Blooming Garden Trellis
An Exclusive Peek at Khloé Kardashian’s Blooming Garden Trellis
Why Kourt is Obsessed With Nettle Tea
Why Kourt is Obsessed With Nettle Tea
Under $20: Clever Fridge Organizers Inspired by Kris Jenner
Under $20: Clever Fridge Organizers Inspired by Kris Jenner
The Asian-Inspired Chickpea Salad Kourt Can’t Stop Reaching For 
The Asian-Inspired Chickpea Salad Kourt Can’t Stop Reaching For 
BTS: Kourt and Travis’ Personal Photos from Their Portofino Wedding
BTS: Kourt and Travis’ Personal Photos from Their Portofino Wedding
3 Salads Kourt is Eating on Rotation Right Now
3 Salads Kourt is Eating on Rotation Right Now
What are you looking for?

Menu

  • Shop
  • HEALTH + WELLNESS
    • body
    • diy
    • fitness
    • Giving Back
    • health
    • mind
    • Relationships
    • Sexual Wellness
    • soul
  • HOME + ENTERTAINING
    • decor
    • entertaining
    • kids
    • motherhood
    • Playlists
    • recipes
  • KKB
    • family
    • kourtney
  • LIFE + STYLE
    • Adulting
    • beauty
    • guides
    • Hacks
    • style
    • travel
  • Newsletter
instagram pinterest facebook twitter youtube join newsletter
Relationships

6 Red Flags They Have  “LOST BOY ENERGY”

By Claire Byrne
share on pinterest share on facebook share on twitter Share on Flipboard share by email
 Photo credit @vintagefantasymag
@vintagefantasymag

The hard pill to swallow when it comes to attracting man-children is that they’re not necessarily “bad boys,” which makes it difficult to let them go when you start to observe their Peter Pan-like qualities.
I’ve dated many a man-child back in my day (don’t mind me braggin’ over here!). Most of them were well-intentioned, charming people who ended up not being the kind of mature and serious partners I wanted them to be—I held on to some basic gesture like picking me up for a date or calling me on the phone as a sign that they were.

It was easy for me to fall for and hold on to infuriatingly lovely man-children because they were major steps up from a brutal, emotionally abusive relationship I had previously endured. But if you’re looking for the whole shebang in a partnership that includes commitment, security, shared values, and depth, pay attention to these signs that may reveal your guy isn’t as grown up as you’ve been hoping…

Editor’s note: Although this article uses male pronouns, the advice applies to all sexual orientations and gender identities.

He’s still living with a roommate.

Look, no judgment on roommates when you’re a young professional making your way or perhaps in grad school and have your eye on the prize with your finances and setting yourself up for a big-girl or big-boy apartment down the road … But if your partner is established in his career and doesn’t want to let a “roommate sitch” go, to me this demonstrates a lack of desire and willingness to prioritize creating a physical space to nurture and grow your relationship with the privacy and quiet it deserves.

He’s been “in between” jobs for a while.

I get it. It’s hard times out there, and I often coach my clients on not being too quick to write someone off if he’s in between jobs. He could be a really bright, hard-working, and ambitious guy who just got unlucky and lost his job.

But what I want you to pay attention to is what he is doing to set himself up for the next job. Is he hustling? Networking? Figuring out money-making opportunities in the interim? Or is he waiting for someone to hand him an opportunity? He may be great in bed and smell delicious, but that lack of drive and “woe is me” mentality will slowly but surely kill the mood.

He wants to spend a lot of time with you … and his group of friends.

This one was a toughie for me. On the one hand, I really loved that the several man-children I dated wanted me to hang with their friends. I thought it was a sign that they really liked me, and I still think that was true! But if you’re spending more time with him and his friends than you are just with him alone, chances are he’s avoiding emotional intimacy and a deeper connection with you.

Making plans in advance is a regular challenge.

This one piggybacks off the last. It’s Tuesday and you start talking about what he wants to do on Friday, and he has a habit of saying, “I’m not sure yet.” But as soon as a plan is presented with friends, it seems to be no problem for him to say “Yes” in advance.

Even if you’re ultimately included in said friend plans, be cautious-if he can’t say a simple, “Yes, I’d love to go to that concert in two weeks with you” on the reg. he might not be the type of relationship you’re looking for. We make plans for the things that really matter to us, and you may for sure matter to him, but his friend plans and other potential options matter more.

He won’t get deep with you.

You try to get him to open up by asking probing questions (when appropriate!) like, “What was it like for you when your parents split up?” or by telling him, “I really like you, and it scares me” and hoping he’ll safely acknowledge your vulnerability or—even better—reciprocate his feelings … but nothing. He deflects with an uncomfortable laugh or conveniently receives an important “work” text that pulls him out of the awkward moment. But then he doesn’t circle back. And on the flip side, he doesn’t attempt to go deeper with you … He doesn’t ask questions that show he wants to connect with you beyond good times, surface conversations, and great chemistry.

He shuts down any discussions over advancing your relationship.

You’ve been consistently hanging out, sleeping together, and spending time with each other’s friends for months, but when it comes to taking things to the next level—i.e., exclusivity, a move-in conversation, or where he sees the relationship going, he’s got nothin’. Or, he’s all about talking about it, but then he doesn’t follow through with aligned actions.

It’s painful to peel back the blinders and see what you really don’t want to see when it comes to being with an enticing but unavailable man-child. I often hear clients say that it’s harder to get over the nice guy than the not-so-nice guy. I get it and have been there. But just remember that every time you clock the painful truth and take action on letting go of a partner who’s more of a project than a promise, you are creating space for the dreamy MAN-ADULT to arrive … just like I did.

Shop our sex and love collection:

Shop Dip Basic Vibrator
Shop Zee Bullet Vibrator
Shop Aer Suction Toy
Shop Pom Flexible Vibrator
Shop Com External Wand Vibrator
Shop Arc G-Spot Vibrator
Shop Eva Couples Vibrator
Shop Fin Finger Vibrator
Shop Let's Get Closer: Couples Edition
Shop Radiant Love Butter
Shop Biodegradable Intimate Wipes
Shop Refresh Daily Wash
Shop Revive Hydrating Mist
Shop Restore Mask
Shop MunkeyBarz Sex Belt
Shop Sydney Double Strand Pearl Thong & Atame - Black
Shop Sydney Double Strand Pearl Thong & Atame - Ivory
Shop Sydney Double Strand Pearl Thong & Atame - Red
Shop Sydney Double Strand Pearl Thong & Glove - Black
Shop Sydney Double Strand Pearl Thong & Glove - Red
Shop Sydney Double Strand Pearl Thong & Glove Set
Shop Sydney Double Strand Pearl Thong - Black
Shop Sydney Double Strand Pearl Thong - Ivory
Shop Sydney Double Strand Pearl Thong - Red
Shop Sydney Glove - Black
Shop Sydney Glove - Red
Shop Sydney Glove Set

Claire Byrne is a heartbreak/finding-love coach, and the host of her podcast, Stop Wanting Him Back & Find Someone Better. Click here for more information on her group program.

The content provided in this article is provided for information purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice and consultation, including professional medical advice and consultation; it is provided with the understanding that Poosh, LLC (“Poosh”) is not engaged in the provision or rendering of medical advice or services. The opinions and content included in the article are the views of the author only, and Poosh does not endorse or recommend any such content or information, or any product or service mentioned in the article. You understand and agree that Poosh shall not be liable for any claim, loss, or damage arising out of the use of, or reliance upon any content or information in the article.

Up next, be the first to know our weekly content and sign up for our Poosh newsletter.

You may also like...

Go to article Are Breakup Weekends A Good Idea?
Relationships

Are Breakup Weekends A Good Idea?

Go to article This Intimacy Card Game Is Our New Favorite Date-Night Activity
Relationships

This Intimacy Card Game Is Our New Favorite Date-Night Activity

Related Articles

Goes to article Are You Guilty of Detached Dating?
Relationships

Are You Guilty of Detached Dating?

Goes to article “I’m a Sex Therapist, and These Are the Top 3 Questions Couples Ask Me”
Sexual Wellness

“I’m a Sex Therapist, and These Are the Top 3 Questions Couples Ask Me”

Goes to article Can a Friend be Your Soulmate?
Relationships

Can a Friend be Your Soulmate?

Goes to article Is Sacred Sex the Key to Living Your Best Life?
Sexual Wellness

Is Sacred Sex the Key to Living Your Best Life?

Goes to article Why You Need Both Yin and Yang Energy in a Relationship
Relationships

Why You Need Both Yin and Yang Energy in a Relationship

Goes to article Why You Should Sext More
Relationships

Why You Should Sext More

Goes to article Are You Trying To Date a Love Avoidant?
Relationships

Are You Trying To Date a Love Avoidant?

Goes to article Should You Be Using Your Vibrator on Your Boyfriend?
Sexual Wellness

Should You Be Using Your Vibrator on Your Boyfriend?

  • About
  • Contact
  • Terms & Conditions
  • Privacy Policy
  • Cookie Policy
  • California Privacy Rights
  • Affiliate Disclosure
  • Accessibility

Keep in Touch

instagram pinterest facebook twitter youtube join newsletter
Reviewed by Allyant for Accessibility
  • © poosh, llc
    All Rights Reserved