We’re all tired of wondering if the next person we get into bed with actually likes us or if they’re just bored. OK, maybe not everyone, but more often than not people who casually hookup are trying to satisfy something: either their sexual urges or their hopes of fulfilling the love story that plays inside their head. Marriage and commitment are often lurking in the shadows (even if they say they don’t want those things).
So why is it that we find ourselves thinking of our own idea of love, but then when it actually comes down to opening up to someone new … we shy away from wanting to commit? I mean, I get it … it’s much easier to get ourselves off without any sort of complication. The overwhelming feeling of having someone like us more than we anticipated is one that we love to avoid. Even worse is when we’re head over heels for someone and those feelings aren’t reciprocated. That leaves us with the easiest solution—casual hookups with no commitment. Because forcing ourselves to forget one fleeting memory of a one-night stand is much easier than trying to erase the many memories of a life we could have potentially built with someone, had we been committed.
Women have evolved immensely in the past century by defining new gender roles. We’ve moved past the Gatsby era with grace and elegance. We fought for the right to vote, which then impacted how we saw ourselves inside and outside of the household. Prohibition led to the creation of speakeasies, making it easier for people to socialize in risky private settings … we’re talking dancing and drinking here. What a notion. Men were still going to war, which meant that marriage was on the rise because, again, the idea of love that plays inside of our heads is prominent and has existed since the beginning of human connection.
The 1960s allowed for wider accessibility and access to birth control. Now we have a digestible pill that will prevent women from getting pregnant, changing the cycle of life in the sense that now we have the right to choose when, with whom, and where we will eventually build a family—if that’s even something we want. Woodstock came into play, and people had a spiritual awakening filled with pleasure, happiness, and, well … LSD.
Fast forward to 2006 when Nelly Furtado’s hit song, “Promiscuous Girl,” came out. We were celebrating promiscuity while Ryan Seacrest was playing it out on KIIS-FM, and the world couldn’t help but memorize the catchy lyrics. It was a cultural phenomenon. And we haven’t even touched the subject of dating apps. Oh, yeah. They exist now, truly changing the game forever. Men historically are more “promiscuous,” but since the playing field is evening out, women are matching that level of sexuality, increasing hookup culture. The rise of technology and dating apps makes for more online platforms to meet people, and it doesn’t matter where they are geographically located or what time zone they’re in. The limitations for people in the dating world no longer exist. Dating apps make people think that their options are endless. By making the pool infinitely greater, people are less likely to settle as they are convinced that there’s something—or someone—better, right over the horizon.
In 2022, we will have women being more independent and career-driven, searching for immediate satisfaction rather than relationships. We’ll still have love in the back of our minds, but nobody is willing to lose their sanity anymore for people who won’t meet them halfway. We demand more and tolerate less because we’ve come to know our worth as women. By the way, our worth is not determined by the number of people we sleep with, how much money we make, or even the place we hold in society. Our worth is determined by the soul that is inside of us and the good deeds we do when nobody’s looking at us.
By simply being you, you should know, be aware, and never forget that despite living in an era of “casual hookups,” commitment will find you when you’re ready and least expect it. What goes around comes back around, and history tends to repeat itself.
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