Squirting.
You’ve heard of it at some point, and you probably think you know what it is. But do you really? Whether you’re here because you think you know, or you’re here because you want to know, welcome to the world of female ejaculation. Curious to understand what it is, how it happens, or how to make it happen? Here are all the need-to-knows about female ejaculation, for women, written by a woman.
What Is Female Ejaculation?
The word “ejaculate” has long been associated with men. And penises. But women can do it, too. Female ejaculation occurs when the body expels fluid through the urethra during sexual arousal or orgasm. It’s also known as “squirting” and sometimes referred to as “squirting orgasm.”
Female ejaculation is NOT the lubricated feeling you get in your vagina when you’re aroused. That’s cervical fluid, and it’s not the same thing. Not the same hole.
Is Female Ejaculation Considered an Orgasm?
Yes and no. Squirting can happen before or during an orgasm, but it’s not an orgasm in and of itself. You can orgasm without squirting, which (if you’re accustomed to orgasms) is probably how you’ve been doing it all of these years. One study showed that anywhere from 10%-55% of women can squirt or have squirted at least once throughout their sexual experiences.
Needless to say, this is not an accurate representation in 2021. In fact, some researchers now say that squirting and female ejaculation are, in fact, not the same thing. An element known as prostatic-specific antigen (PSA) was present in some of the participants’ secreted liquids, but not all, suggesting that female ejaculate is different than squirting.
In other words, squirting may or may not include female ejaculate.
Can All Women Squirt, or Just Some?
For the longest time, a lot of women thought that there was something “wrong” with them because they can’t, or have never tried, to squirt. For some women, it just happens naturally. For others, they’ve tried and have not seen results. Conversely, some women experience squirting and feel embarrassed, confused, or concerned.
If you’ve already experienced squirting, you may have your own feelings about it. Rest assured that it is nothing to fear. If it feels elusive to you, there is also nothing to worry about. There are no gold medals handed out for squirting.
Just like everything else in the world, no two vaginas are the same. Therefore, female orgasm is different for every woman.
Where Does It Come From?
Don’t let the word “urethra” fool you—the fluid that catapults from your vagina when you squirt is not necessarily urine. There’s a trace of urine in the fluid, but it’s not strictly pee.
There have actually been more studies done on what the fluid is as opposed to how many women squirt regularly.
The original thought back in the ’80s was that squirting was, simply, urine. At one point, doctors took ultrasounds of women’s bladders before and after they squirted to see if they refilled post-female ejaculation. And, in fact, they did.
However, the fluid is usually colorless and odorless, unlike urine. Doctors and scientists have pointed out that no other organ in your body could propel fluid as fast as the bladder does. But, in fact, the fluid comes from Skene’s glands, or “the female prostate” that surrounds the bladder.
So What the Heck Is It?
There are two types—squirting is made up of a clear fluid that can come out in large volumes. Female ejaculation, however, is a thicker and milkier substance.
The fluid you release when you squirt is basically watered-down urine with a trace of female ejaculate in it. On the flip side, female ejaculation is prostate enzymes with a hint of urine in it.
What Does It Feel Like?
Wet. It feels very wet.
Aside from that, a lot of women describe it as a massive release of pressure and say that it’s a very different feeling from peeing. Some women don’t even know they’re doing it, and others say that it feels different from an orgasm.
Never Squirted, But Want to Try It?
Intrigued? Can’t blame you! It can be an amazing feeling and can also make your partner feel like a sex god. But don’t put any pressure on yourself to do it for your partner’s ego!
Speaking of partners, the first step in trying to squirt it is to TRY IT ALONE. Try masturbating before you put pressure on your partner to make you squirt. For some women, it is easier to get there without the audience of a partner. For others, it can feel too laborious alone.
Of course, if you want to make this a partnered effort, your partner can experiment with you. In fact, they can reach parts of your vagina with a toy that you may not be able to by yourself.
To work toward squirting, start to work on your G-spot. Massaging your G-spot is the focal point if you’re trying to squirt. You can find it by inserting a toy or a couple of fingers inside your vagina and angling up toward your tummy. A curved sex toy is best for G-spot stimulation. Some women find that putting light pressure on their lower bellies (opposite their G-spot) can add to the stimulation and make squirting more feasible.
However, female ejaculation is not all about the G-spot. Clitoral stimulation and the right mood and scene can be just as important, too. So, show some love to your whole body, and while you’re at it, your mind too.
The key, when you feel that you’re nearing female ejaculation or squirting, is to RELAX. The more relaxed and aroused you are, the better your chances are to make it rain! Stressing over squirting will not make the process easier. If it happens, great! If not, try again.
Find the right toys and position for you and your partner and keep at it, if you’re really determined. Some women have better luck on their back, as they are more relaxed, while others find more luck in other positions.
Don’t forget to put down a towel or an old sheet.
Just remember not to lose sleep over squirting, if you’ve never done it before or are trying without success. Some women have done it their entire lives and don’t know any different; for others, sometimes it happens and sometimes it doesn’t. And for the rest, it’s a sexual experience they may never know.
Talking with your partner about it, even if the subject has never come up in casual conversation, can help assuage fears and balance expectations (yours or theirs). There’s a chance that they’ve thought about it at some point, too. It can be pleasurable for both the squirter and the other party.
The bottom line is, sex is sex. It’s supposed to be enjoyable. Sometimes it’s messy, sometimes it’s not. Female ejaculation can feel good and is a completely natural physical response.
While squirting can be messy, it can be incredibly empowering and feel equally as incredible. But if you haven’t squirted, and either can’t or aren’t interested, that’s OK. Sex and orgasms without squirting can be just as amazing.
Dr. Kate Balestrieri is a licensed psychologist, certified sex therapist, certified sex addiction therapist, PACT therapist, and founder of Modern Intimacy, a group practice in Los Angeles, Miami, and Chicago. Listen to her podcast, Modern Intimacy, and follow her on IG @drkatebalestrieri.
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