You’ve heard about situationships, but what about delusionships? Most of us have found ourselves in some kind of delusionship (probably more than once) and didn’t even know it.
A delusionship is a relationship that exists only in your mind and not the real world.
Daydreaming, fantasizing, or idealizing about your life with another individual without really knowing who they are as a person in real life is also considered a delusionship. There may be contact and some form of connection, but not an authentic relationship.
Now more than ever, the lines are blurred between dating IRL and dating online. We live so much online that we tend to think we know someone because of what their social media or dating app profile says about them. We can idealize who we think they are and start forming further thoughts, dreams, and fantasies based on information that wasn’t obtained through actual human connection.
1. It’s a one-sided conversation.
You are carrying the conversation, always initiating, and always keeping it going. You don’t feel seen or respected in the conversation. Your opinion doesn’t matter. Your thoughts on a subject are not explored. If you weren’t in the conversation, there would be no conversation.
2. There's little to no intimacy.
Although you have thought about what it would be like to be intimate with this person, it has never happened, and you may not know why.
3. Your connection has never left the dating apps.
Conversations are surface-level and transactional—not deep or authentic. The person is telling you what you want to hear rather than being their actual self.
4. All interaction has been through online communication—and it's been a while.
You have not met this person in real life. Online communication is a great way to start a connection. Getting to know the basics before meeting someone in person is a solid first step. But if the communication continues to be only through text messages or apps, and plans are never made to meet and connect in person, it’s a problem.
5. Your mind is consumed with what could be, and it's starting to impact your life.
Your idealization and consumption of this relationship are impacting your work, hobbies, and relationships in real life. You find yourself spending more time daydreaming about this relationship than spending time in real life with your other established relationships. Your decision-making has been impaired by fantasizing about future plans that have never been discussed or explored.
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