Situationships can be torturous to our vulnerable brains that crave love and security.
The chemistry is pretty hot. The mental connection is stimulating.
And there’s a level of comfort between the two of you that you haven’t experienced in a long time…
But you haven’t heard from them in five days except that one time you sent a funny meme related to when you were last together nine days ago (who’s counting? YOU!). To which they immediately responded, “This was made for us!”
So, they MUST still be into you…Right?!
A situationship is a romantic relationship that is undefined.
Some might call it “friends with benefits,” but at times, it feels like it’s much more than that because it can go on for an extended period of time, making the dynamic seem more “relationshippy.” You don’t just meet to have sex. You go on actual dates and attend events as their plus one, or there’s a particular show the two of you like to watch together on the regular.
Situationships can be clearly defined between the two people or left undiscussed, opening the door to discomfort from the unknown and an exhaustive over-analysis of the other person’s words (or lack of words) and behavior.
I think situationships are trickier to get over because you choose the person who does it for you on a chemical level. You don’t directly address what the other person is looking for, and/or you clock signs of unavailability but avoid facing the disappointing truth because the attraction is so strong. Instead, you conveniently tell yourself you don’t need a relationship right now, or you believe/hope they’ll come around after spending more time with your fabulous self!
Isn’t that so much more dramatic than settling for the boring, available person who’s just waiting with bells on for you to give them a chance?
Here’s the deal:
You don’t have to choose the boring person who’s dying to give you the kind of relationship that you want too but, sadly, not with them. But this also doesn’t mean you should let yourself get sucked into a situationship where the writing is on the wall or you’re unwilling to get the information you deserve!
Seriously. Don’t be the “chill girl,” at least not to drag out a situationship you ultimately want more from.
Be the cool girl as your single self, authentically having a blast on your own until the RIGHT person comes along who does it ALL for you.
Your job is to create space for them and not believe you have to settle for an unavailable person you’re attracted to or an available person who you’re not attracted to. It’s not either/or.
You ask, we answer. Send your relationship questions to [email protected], and one of our experts may just answer them in an upcoming column.
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