Skip to main content
TREAT YOURSELF—FREE SHIPPING ON ALL POOSH DOMESTIC ORDERS. SHOP NOW.
  • HEALTH + WELLNESS
  • LIFE + STYLE
  • HOME + ENTERTAINING
  • KOURTNEY
Poosh
By Kourtney Kardashian Barker
  • instagram pinterest facebook twitter youtube join newsletter
  • Shop
  • search
  • search
  • body
  • diy
  • fitness
  • Giving Back
  • health
  • mind
  • Relationships
  • Sexual Wellness
  • soul
Can Your Relationship Be Your Biggest Tool for Manifestation?
Can Your Relationship Be Your Biggest Tool for Manifestation?
Life Hacks to Feel More Positive
Life Hacks to Feel More Positive
The Exercise Plan That Actually Gets Your Mood Swings
The Exercise Plan That Actually Gets Your Mood Swings
5 Must-Do Stretches After a Long Day of Travel
5 Must-Do Stretches After a Long Day of Travel
How To Hack Your Vagus Nerve To Shut Down Inflammation Like a Pro
How To Hack Your Vagus Nerve To Shut Down Inflammation Like a Pro
What Your Nails Can Tell You About Your Health
What Your Nails Can Tell You About Your Health
  • Adulting
  • beauty
  • guides
  • Hacks
  • style
  • travel
4 Summer Morning Hacks We Swear By
4 Summer Morning Hacks We Swear By
What Even Is a Hobby in 2025? The Poosh Team Weighs In
What Even Is a Hobby in 2025? The Poosh Team Weighs In
Poosh Guides: Our Summer Essentials Checklist
Poosh Guides: Our Summer Essentials Checklist
The Classic Shoes We’re Wearing With Everything This Summer
The Classic Shoes We’re Wearing With Everything This Summer
The Poosh-Approved Instacart Snack Haul
The Poosh-Approved Instacart Snack Haul
Could Bare Minimum Mondays Help With Burnout?
Could Bare Minimum Mondays Help With Burnout?
  • decor
  • entertaining
  • kids
  • motherhood
  • Playlists
  • recipes
Coconut Matcha Cloud Drink
Coconut Matcha Cloud Drink
Cilantro Lime Pasta Salad: A Fresh Take for the Fourth
Cilantro Lime Pasta Salad: A Fresh Take for the Fourth
The Lettuce-Free Salad We’ll Be Making All Summer Long
The Lettuce-Free Salad We’ll Be Making All Summer Long
Strawberry Mango Probiotic Popsicles
Strawberry Mango Probiotic Popsicles
Your New Go-To Summer Roll
Your New Go-To Summer Roll
Pamela Anderson’s Herby French Potato Salad
Pamela Anderson’s Herby French Potato Salad
  • family
  • kourtney
5 (More) Life Lessons From Kourtney
5 (More) Life Lessons From Kourtney
Part One: Life Lessons from Kourtney
Part One: Life Lessons from Kourtney
What Kris Jenner Is Reading Right Now
What Kris Jenner Is Reading Right Now
Kourtney’s Birthday Sale Is Here!
Kourtney’s Birthday Sale Is Here!
What Khloé Kardashian Is Reading Right Now
What Khloé Kardashian Is Reading Right Now
Inspired by Kim Kardashian: 3 Total-Body Gym Moves
Inspired by Kim Kardashian: 3 Total-Body Gym Moves

Menu

  • Shop
  • HEALTH + WELLNESS
    • body
    • diy
    • fitness
    • Giving Back
    • health
    • mind
    • Relationships
    • Sexual Wellness
    • soul
  • HOME + ENTERTAINING
    • decor
    • entertaining
    • kids
    • motherhood
    • Playlists
    • recipes
  • KOURTNEY
    • family
    • kourtney
  • LIFE + STYLE
    • Adulting
    • beauty
    • guides
    • Hacks
    • style
    • travel
  • About
  • Newsletter
instagram pinterest facebook twitter youtube join newsletter
Relationships

HOW TO HAVE REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS in Relationships

By Poosh
share on pinterest share on facebook share on twitter Share on Flipboard share by email
 Photo credit @endlesslyloveclub
@endlesslyloveclub

One person can’t be an individual’s sole source of joy, pleasure, excitement, comfort, reassurance, friendship, or love. That’s why we have family. Friends. Colleagues. When we put too much pressure on another person to be our everything, we not only push them away, but we set them up for failure, and ourselves for disappointment.

This doesn’t mean we need to lower our standards. We can—and should—have respectable standards for what our lovers should bring to the table. We should receive what we dish out: a healthy dose of love, recognition, and respect. 

But how do we prevent ourselves from confusing our standards with our expectations? How do we mitigate patterns of astronomical expectations with reasonable ones, without feeling like we’re settling? We let relationship coach and expert and author of The Dang Factor, Michelle Afont, take this one.

“Keeping it ‘real’ in love means recognizing there is no perfect partner for us. Holding out for our prince to sweep us off our feet is exactly why many of us remain single throughout our lifetime. Expecting our mate to check off every box on a long list of ‘must-haves’ is where any potential relationship will crash and burn on takeoff,” Afont starts. 

Yikes. If you’re biting your fingernails reading this, stay tuned. Being picky is different from being unreasonable. Here are some pointers to consider from the expert.

80/20 Rule
“Your relationship equation should follow the 80/20 Rule. It’s a theory that says, in a healthy relationship, you should be getting approximately 80% of the qualities you want in a partner. That is, your partner is giving you 80% of what you desire in a relationship, and 80% of the time, you are happy, satisfied, and fulfilled. Conversely, 20% of the time, you find yourself annoyed, uninterested, and turned off. And that’s OK.” 

And in regards to that “20%,” Afont doesn’t mean malicious, conniving, or abusive. That’s entering different territory, and we strongly suggest you speak with a professional if you’re not sure about what to do in those cases.

“Be careful about ending a relationship with only a 20% jerk. The 100% perfect partner does not exist. Trust me, the next partner you meet will also come with 20% of him/her that will drive you nuts, too,” Afont warns.

“The 80/20 Rule only comes into play when you have an underlying attraction and genuine feelings for your partner. It does not matter how the math adds up if you feel nothing for your partner. However, if at one time you did feel immense attraction, I believe you can get back to where you started as a couple, by focusing on the 80% of the relationship that is wonderful.” 

Challenges should move toward growth
“Your relationship is going to have bumps. Ups and downs are a reality in any relationship, and it’s important to not run at the first sign of trouble. Relationship challenges can serve to strengthen you as a couple. Let yourself know you are not going to get along and agree all of the time. Relationship challenges are good, as long as they are accompanied by change and growth.”

Check in on your own offerings
“Realistic expectations in a relationship also include a reality check on you. It is important to be realistic about what you are looking for in a partner while at the same time asking yourself what you bring to the relationship table. Having a partner with similar socioeconomic, educational, and life status makes the relationship an even playing field and one where you both bring equal parts of good to the union. If your partner is growing and learning in the relationship, it is vital that you continue to grow as well. Having differences in a relationship is good; however, common goals and interests should be part of your relationship reality.”

Shop our sex and love collection:

Shop Arc G-Spot Vibrator
Shop Aer Suction Toy
Shop Zee Bullet Vibrator
Shop MunkeyBarz Sex Belt
Shop Eva Couples Vibrator
Shop Pom Flexible Vibrator
Shop Let's Get Closer: Couples Edition
Shop Fin Finger Vibrator
Shop Unscented Moisturizing Cream
Shop Com External Wand Vibrator
Shop Sydney Double Strand Pearl Thong - Ivory
Shop Sydney Double Strand Pearl Thong - Black
Shop Sydney Double Strand Pearl Thong - Red
Shop Sydney Double Strand Pearl Thong & Atame - Ivory
Shop Sydney Double Strand Pearl Thong & Atame - Black
Shop Sydney Double Strand Pearl Thong & Glove - Black
Shop Sydney Double Strand Pearl Thong & Atame - Red
Shop Sydney Glove - Black
Shop Sydney Double Strand Pearl Thong & Glove Set
Shop Sydney Double Strand Pearl Thong & Glove - Red
Shop Sydney Glove Set
Shop Sydney Glove - Red
Shop Radiant Love Butter
Shop Dip Basic Vibrator

Up next, be the first to know our weekly content and sign up for our Poosh newsletter.

Related Articles

Goes to article Can Your Relationship Be Your Biggest Tool for Manifestation?
Relationships

Can Your Relationship Be Your Biggest Tool for Manifestation?

Goes to article Can a Friend be Your Soulmate?
Relationships

Can a Friend be Your Soulmate?

Goes to article 7 Signs You May Be Emotionally Unavailable
Relationships

7 Signs You May Be Emotionally Unavailable

Goes to article How to Manifest the Relationship You Want
Relationships

How to Manifest the Relationship You Want

Goes to article How to Maintain Friendships as an Adult
Relationships

How to Maintain Friendships as an Adult

Goes to article The Three Loves Theory
Relationships

The Three Loves Theory

Goes to article Burnt Out on Dating Apps? Here’s How to Stay Optimistic
Relationships

Burnt Out on Dating Apps? Here’s How to Stay Optimistic

Goes to article How to Stop Overthinking Your Crush
mind

How to Stop Overthinking Your Crush

  • About
  • Contact
  • Terms & Conditions
  • Privacy Policy
  • Cookie Policy
  • California Privacy Rights
  • Affiliate Disclosure
  • Accessibility

Keep in Touch

instagram pinterest facebook twitter youtube join newsletter
Reviewed by Allyant for Accessibility
  • © poosh, llc
    All Rights Reserved