Tory Eletto is a licensed marriage and family therapist, known on Instagram as @nytherapist. For the last 15 years, she has helped individuals and couples create fulfilling, healthy relationships that begin with the relationship they have with themselves. Check out her current workshops and her podcast.
1. They learn about each other’s childhood wounds.
Happy couples understand their wounds, their partner’s wounds, and how this impacts the relationship.
2. They have hard conversations.
The more we “see” one another, the more connected we feel, which ultimately allows closeness to occur alongside our differences.
3. They validate their partner's experience before anything else.
Happy couples create a lot of room for one another, including their perspectives, their emotions, and their experiences.
4. They take ownership of their role in unsatisfying dynamics.
Even if one person is 90% responsible for an issue, the other can still speak to their 10%, creating an atmosphere of self accountability and growth.
5. They understand relationships don’t make them happy. They help them heal.
Happy couples view their relationship as a space of healing and come together to use their hardest moments as a catalyst to become their highest selves.
6. They prioritize the energy and presence relationships need to thrive.
Relationships aren’t meant to be put in the background, but instead, valued at the forefront of each other’s lives.
7. They live their values in their relationship.
Often couples lose themselves while focusing on each other for change. One of my favorite tools is teaching couples to use their frustrated energy to infuse their values into their relationship.
8. They are eager to learn the next version of their partner.
Happy couples welcome evolution. They want to learn the next version of their partner in their next stage of life, embracing who their partner is growing into.
9. They mindfully maintain humor, playfulness, and lightness.
Happy couples intentionally include play, humor, fun, and lightness in the relationship to help balance the energy and maintain intimacy.
10. They accept their relationship will shift in different life stages.
Relationships bend, shift, move, and change. Oftentimes, we find ourselves in many “different relationships” throughout the course of one. Happy couples know that, and do the work to bring the connection back.
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