By its very definition, holistic means comprehensive. It’s the sum of all parts. When we consider how and why we are here on this very earth, one biologically rooted argument is that it’s to expand our species. All creatures exist, holistically, to procreate. Therefore, every part of our being sums up to being sexual.
This sentiment isn’t meant to intimidate. For some, it might sound a little extreme, or even a little discriminatory, especially if we aren’t feeling especially sexual, or sexy. But it’s not about courting, and it’s not about looking good for the other sex. It’s about embracing our bodies and sensuality in every way, every day.
Cheryl Fagan, sexpert and founder of On Top, admits she can talk about holistic sexuality all day. As a sexologist with a background in psychology, she explains that “sexuality involves our entire being: mind, body, heart, and soul. It is influenced by biological, psychological, social, religious, spiritual, and cultural factors. Holistic sexuality acknowledges all these factors, not merely the physical act of sex.”
So what does this mean to us in terms of our well-being? Well, Fagan breaks down the difference in actual human needs versus what is marketed to us. “Health refers to physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being, while wellness aims to enhance your well-being. Health and wellness are not just the absence of illness, but a lifestyle based on choices that create good health!”
This is something we want to shed light on. We love to optimize our wellness, but we know that not all practices are accessible to all, and that’s OK. It’s perfectly healthy. Fagan shares that “the World Health Organization defines health as ‘a state of complete physical, mental, and social well-being, and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.’” So we can hone in on whatever is accessible. (Many wellness practices are free!) Like embracing our sexuality.
“It’s important that we focus on wellness, as our health impacts every single aspect of our life. Mind, body, heart, and soul make up who we are. Your well-being affects how you feel and your behaviors,” Fagan tells us, which is a direct lesson from her Holistic Sexuality for Couples E-Course.
Even if someone doesn’t feel like they need sexual healing from trauma, etc., holistic sexuality definitely applies. “While someone may not have a pressing sexual issue or feel like they need sexual healing in the present moment, sex and sexuality are so complex, so there is always something new to learn about your sexual self to be able to grow! Whether it’s understanding your sexual values more or understanding your libido better, understanding holistic sexuality is for everyone, as it helps you make healthy choices and have more pleasurable sex.”
So how can we apply this mentality of holistic sexuality to our daily lives? Fagan tells us that understanding holistic sexuality encourages us to be sex-positive and empowers us to make healthy choices that align with our values when it comes to dating, relationships, and sex. “Owning who you are as a sexual person will help you to have better self-esteem, break any sexual shame you carry, and communicate around sex better!”
Holistic sexuality essentially breaks away from the notion that sexuality means “feeling sexy” in a societal way. It doesn’t mean six-pack abs, expensive lingerie, fancy wine, and weekend getaways. Those things are major perks, of course, but sexuality is in the way we laugh, the way we move, the way we love and show love. It’s every part of our being, and we can embrace that wherever, whenever, and with whomever, including nobody but ourselves.