A healthy and mindful sex life? A dream!
Seriously, it is equally as important as having a good diet, restful sleep, and overall self-care. It’s crucial to make sure you carefully pick who you’re engaging with because, let me tell you, emotional and sexual vampires exist! Being able to communicate what we want and need during sex is something we all could be practicing a little more. It’s OK to say what you want (or don’t want), and we aren’t taught that enough.
Your 20s are meant for full-on exploration, and that’s the time to really allow yourself to make some rookie mistakes and sort of let the messiness win:
- “I didn’t really like him, but I still had sex with him.”
- “Sex was so bad, but—oh my God—I didn’t know how to tell him.”
- “I just wanted to have sex, but she keeps texting me because she wants something more…”
- “I had sex with him the first night. Is he going to ghost me now?”
- “He told me he didn’t want a relationship, and I do, but I felt like I had to still f*ck him because, oh well, I was already there.”
Those scenarios become less frequent when we get to know ourselves and develop a stronger sense of self. Understanding what you physically and mentally need to feel safe and creating an inner trust between you and your body is first and foremost in being able to let go. Having an honest conversation with ourselves is the base of all happiness, even in bed.
The confidence and freedom to say yes and no in sex and knowing when to say either is priceless. But for a lot of people, it doesn’t come easy. Why? Social conditioning, feeling like we have to do the “right” thing, lack of self-worth, etc.
Practicing mindful sex, being in the right headspace, and feeling confident in yourself during intimacy are what all of us out there should be looking for.
Some tips for practicing mindful sex:
- Don’t doubt yourself when your body is telling you something. It’s telling you what it needs.
- Practice self-pleasure and self-discovery, and look at it as something you’re doing for yourself. Try using sex toys and pleasure products to get comfortable and explore. Personal Fav is my favorite one.
- Talk to a therapist or a sex expert about any issues or concerns you might have. Don’t be shy. Unburden yourself.
- Share your personal stories with your closest friends. It’s very therapeutic, and I find it to be the best way to learn about myself and others.
You ask, we answer. Send your relationship questions to [email protected], and one of our experts may just answer them in an upcoming column.