Close Close

Congratulations
You're on the list.

Make sure to check your spam folder so that our emails are always delivered into your inbox.
xo, Kourt
Give your inbox
and your life

the Poosh it needs.
By clicking SIGN UP, you agree to receive emails from Poosh and agree to our terms of use and privacy policy.
FREE SHIPPING ON ALL ORDERS
  • HEALTH + WELLNESS
  • LIFE + STYLE
  • HOME + ENTERTAINING
  • KMK
Poosh
  • Poosh Your Wellness
  • Newsletter
  • Keep in touch
    instagram pinterest facebook twitter youtube
  • search
  • Shop
  • search
  • body
  • diy
  • fitness
  • Giving Back
  • health
  • mind
  • Relationships
  • soul
Ways to Boost Your Daily Energy
Ways to Boost Your Daily Energy
At-Home Tips for the Common Cold
At-Home Tips for the Common Cold
The Major Health Benefits of Swimming
The Major Health Benefits of Swimming
Is Your Online Dating Experience Addictive or Effective?
Is Your Online Dating Experience Addictive or Effective?
Foods That Help Reduce Anxiety
Foods That Help Reduce Anxiety
Do You Have S.A.D.?
Do You Have S.A.D.?
  • Adulting
  • beauty
  • Hacks
  • style
  • travel
At-Home Hacks Every Adult Should Know
At-Home Hacks Every Adult Should Know
Stylish New Loungewear for 2021
Stylish New Loungewear for 2021
Prevent Acne with These Antibacterial Towels
Prevent Acne with These Antibacterial Towels
The 10 Items Everyone Should Have for Winter
The 10 Items Everyone Should Have for Winter
All-Natural Ways to Clear Acne from the Inside and Out
All-Natural Ways to Clear Acne from the Inside and Out
Supplements for Glowing Skin
Supplements for Glowing Skin
  • decor
  • entertaining
  • kids
  • motherhood
  • Playlists
  • recipes
How to Make Homemade Strawberry Shortcake
How to Make Homemade Strawberry Shortcake
Your Sustainable Living Starter Kit
Your Sustainable Living Starter Kit
Keto and Vegan Ginger Butternut Squash Soup
Keto and Vegan Ginger Butternut Squash Soup
Skinny Vegan Pesto Spaghetti Squash
Skinny Vegan Pesto Spaghetti Squash
How to Make Roasted Chestnuts for the Holiday
How to Make Roasted Chestnuts for the Holiday
Holiday Traditions and a DIY to Embrace with Your Kids 
Holiday Traditions and a DIY to Embrace with Your Kids 
  • family
  • kourtney
Ways Kourt Has Made the Most of Her Time at Home
Ways Kourt Has Made the Most of Her Time at Home
*Exclusive* Sneak Peek at the Kardashian/Jenners’ Gift Wrapping
*Exclusive* Sneak Peek at the Kardashian/Jenners’ Gift Wrapping
Poosh Shop 2.0 Is Here
Poosh Shop 2.0 Is Here
The Devotional Book Kourt Reads Every Morning
The Devotional Book Kourt Reads Every Morning
Kourt’s Makeup Artist on How to Apply the Perfect Lashes
Kourt’s Makeup Artist on How to Apply the Perfect Lashes
Kourt’s Cute $7 Reusable Daily Vitamin Bags
Kourt’s Cute $7 Reusable Daily Vitamin Bags
What are you looking for?
  • Shop
  • Open/Close Button HEALTH + WELLNESS
    • body
    • diy
    • fitness
    • Giving Back
    • health
    • mind
    • Relationships
    • soul
  • Open/Close Button HOME + ENTERTAINING
    • decor
    • entertaining
    • kids
    • motherhood
    • Playlists
    • recipes
  • Open/Close Button KMK
    • family
    • kourtney
  • Open/Close Button LIFE + STYLE
    • Adulting
    • beauty
    • Hacks
    • style
    • travel
  • Poosh Your Wellness
  • Newsletter
instagram pinterest facebook twitter youtube
soul

How to COMMUNICATE IN WAYS to Get the RELATIONSHIP YOU WANT

By Erica Spiegelman
pinterest facebook twitter email

Humans have achieved the incredible ability to use language to express our thoughts and feelings. Yet we’ve all experienced frustration while trying to connect with others, be direct, and own our desires, preferences, and opinions.

Healthy communication is a vital skill to succeed in any profession—as well as to sustain any type of lasting, healthy relationship, whether with family, friends, a lover, or even acquaintances.

In my book The Rewired Life, I explore the many reasons some of us struggle to find our voices. We may have experienced early trauma or been told that we shouldn’t speak up or that our voice did not matter. These messages twisted our communication patterns, causing us to become passive aggressive, shut down, or feel misunderstood. As adults, these failed communication strategies are preventing us from reaching our goals and building the relationships that we truly want. To rebuild on solid ground, we need to understand and dismantle the patterns.

We all want a relationship that is based on love, transparency, vulnerability, and communication and to feel like somebody knows our real, authentic self. Begin creating strong communication skills by using “I” statements, practicing active listening, and expressing your emotional needs. All three are great places to start on your path to getting your needs met while communicating openly in relationships.

"I" statements

In couples therapy 101, the therapist will have the couple learn to use “I” statements. This means that instead of attacking your partner with “you” statements, you take down your defenses and let your mate know how you are feeling. For example, instead of saying, “You never help me around the house,” you would say, “I feel upset when you don’t help around the house.” It sounds less accusatory and more approachable. Coming from a place of honesty and vulnerability helps you share what is really bothering you without pointing the finger at the other person.

Active listening

Active listening involves giving feedback at regular intervals to the person speaking, such as a nod, a gesture, or a verbal affirmation to let them know you’re following along. This can also be accomplished with prolonged eye contact and positive facial expressions. These encouraging responses should be kept brief so they don’t draw attention away from the speaker, but most people will be grateful to receive your approval while they’re talking.

If you don’t understand something, it’s best to stop and ask questions to clarify. The tools of summarizing, probing, reflecting, and paraphrasing what has been said work well to keep the conversation on track and make sure both parties are on the same page.

All of this should be done without interrupting the other person. When we interrupt, it means we’re thinking more about what we are planning to say than what the other person is trying to communicate. Interrupting is sometimes a normal expression of enthusiasm, so if you find yourself doing it, simply acknowledge it and allow the other person to resume.

When it’s your turn to talk, start by giving appropriate feedback, which may mean validating the other person’s emotions or story. You can say things such as “I’m so sorry to hear that happened” or “I hear your frustration.” Sometimes people aren’t looking for advice but simply want to be heard.

Expressing emotional needs

Unless your significant other is psychic, there’s a good chance he or she cannot read your mind. You may think you are being obvious about how you feel or what you are thinking, but if you aren’t saying it clearly, your partner is clueless. Stop thinking about how upset you are and communicate it through words. Express your emotional needs, such as “I want to feel like more of a priority to you” or “I feel disconnected to you at times. Can we spend more quality time together?” This way of communicating helps you see where you really stand in relationships. Give the other person the chance to respond to these requests. The person could say “Of course you are a priority, and I didn’t know that was bothering you.” Communicating your emotional needs can bring you closer without toxic name-calling or criticism.

We all have the capability to set these practices in motion. It takes effort, but I know we can all be more mindful in how we communicate. I promise the quality of our relationships will improve.

Erica Spiegelman is a wellness specialist, recovery counselor, and author of the new book The Rewired Life (2018) as well as Rewired: A Bold New Approach to Addiction & Recovery (2015), the Rewired Workbook (2017), the Rewired Coloring Book (2017), all published by Hatherleigh Press. Erica holds a bachelor’s degree in literature from the University of Arizona and is a California State Certified Drug and Alcohol Counselor (CADAC)-II from UCLA. For more information, visit Erica’s website or follow @espiegelman on Instagram.

The content provided in this article is provided for information purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice and consultation, including professional medical advice and consultation; it is provided with the understanding that Poosh, LLC (“Poosh”) is not engaged in the provision or rendering of medical advice or services. The opinions and content included in the article are the views of the author only, and Poosh does not endorse or recommend any such content or information, or any product or service mentioned in the article. You understand and agree that Poosh shall not be liable for any claim, loss, or damage arising out of the use of, or reliance upon any content or information in the article.

You may also like...

Healing Your Inner Child
mind
Healing Your Inner Child
Divorce: How It Can Change Relationships with Friends
Relationships
Divorce: How It Can Change Relationships with Friends

Related Articles

How Endings Can Be a Good Thing
Relationships
How Endings Can Be a Good Thing
3 Ways to Cut Down on Complaining
mind
3 Ways to Cut Down on Complaining
Meditate and Manifest Like a Boss Bih with Trap Yoga Bae
mind
Meditate and Manifest Like a Boss Bih with Trap Yoga Bae
What TF Makes a Healthy Relationship, and Where Do I Get One?
Relationships
What TF Makes a Healthy Relationship, and Where Do I Get One?
How to Hack Your Happiness
mind
How to Hack Your Happiness
Divorce: How It Can Change Relationships with Friends
Relationships
Divorce: How It Can Change Relationships with Friends
How to Change Your Mindset
mind
How to Change Your Mindset
Understanding Your Human Design
mind
Understanding Your Human Design

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

By clicking SIGN UP, you agree to receive emails from Poosh and agree to our terms of use and privacy policy.
  • About
  • Contact
  • Terms & Conditions
  • Privacy Policy
  • Cookie Policy
  • California Privacy Rights
  • Affiliate Disclosure
  • Accessibility
  • © poosh, llc
    All Rights Reserved

Keep in Touch

instagram pinterest facebook twitter youtube
ADA + WCAG 2.2 Compliant Badge
Made By Nice People