The Dos and Don’ts of Having Bridesmaids

Your bridesmaids play an important role not just on your wedding day, but in the months leading up to it. No doubt, they’re touched by this and excited to join you on this journey… if you choose to have them. There are so many unique ways of celebrating your love today, so there really are no rules.

However, presuming you’d like bridesmaids, and presuming you’d like to still be friends with these people when your wedding is over, and also presuming you currently care about their wellbeing, it’s important to keep the relationship from turning into a take-take-take.

Enter: this helpful list. Below, find the dos and don’ts of having bridesmaids.

THE DOS

DO ask them to be your bridesmaid in a thoughtful way. Weddings are personal, so don’t feel like you have to shell out tons of $$$ on an Etsy bridesmaid proposal box if that’s not your vibe. It really is the thought that counts, and you can never go wrong with a heartfelt card.
DO be upfront about your expectations. Being a bridesmaid is a big commitment on many levels—time, money, and emotions—and it can get very expensive. It’s your wedding, and it’s okay to have expectations. However, it’s not okay to bully someone into using all of their PTO to attend pre-wedding events or spending more money than they can afford. Ofc, if you’re early in the planning process you probably won’t know all of the details yet. But giving them a heads up about anything major can help them decide if they are fully able to commit to what you’re asking.
DO be understanding if someone is unable to be your bridesmaid. Ofc, it’s normal to feel disappointed if someone says no. But, as noted above, being a bridesmaid is expensive and time-consuming, so understand that some people may not be in a position to take on that role.
DO let your bridesmaids be involved in choosing their attire. Gone are the 27 Dresses days of forcing the bridal party to wear—let’s be real—expensive, ugly, and uncomfortable dresses. Or, if you want them to wear a certain dress, see #2 and be up front about your expectations. However, many brides are foregoing matchy-matchy bridesmaid dresses altogether. Instead, give your bridesmaids some guidelines—like, color, length, formality, Pinterest board inspo, etc—and allow them to choose their own attire. This allows flexibility in areas like price and silhouette, and everyone gets to wear something they like!

THE DON’TS

DON’T feel like you have to have a huge bridal party—or a bridal party at all—just because it’s expected. Just want a MoH? Do it. Want all of your sorority sisters up there when you get married? Do it. No bridal party at all? Do it! It’s your day. Don’t force yourself to make something important because of tradition. Kourt opted not to have bridesmaids for her wedding to Travis.
DON’T ask them to change their appearance. This should go without saying, but a quick perusal of wedding subreddits shows that it needs to be said. And on the other side, don’t prohibit them from making any physical changes, like tattoos or hair color, before your wedding.
DON’T lose sight of your friendships. Planning a wedding can bring out the best and the worst in people. Remember, you asked them to be a bridesmaid because they are important to you, and you want them to be a part of your celebration. We’re about to get way harsh, Tai, but no one cares as much about your wedding as you do. These are your friends, and they have lives that don’t revolve around your big day. Of course they care and are excited for you, but don’t get salty if the group chat doesn’t respond immediately to your text about table linens. And be sure to keep in touch with them about non-wedding-related things.

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