Body dysmorphia, also called body dysmorphic disorder (BDD), is a mental health disorder that leads to distress over your appearance.
The first personal memory I have of my body dysmorphia was when I was around 12 or 13. I used to touch my left thigh compulsively while having dinner to make sure it wasn’t suddenly “getting bigger” or “deforming.” These were the actual words and thoughts going through my head at the time. I then learned that that is called “body checking.” It was something I just couldn’t stop doing even though it brought me so much anxiety and discomfort. But hey, body dysmorphia can be that real and uncontrollable sometimes …
Some other examples of body dysmorphia are constantly checking the mirror, thinking about weight loss all the time (even if you’re in shape), fixing physical flaws with styling and makeup, hiding certain body parts or trying to control your appearance at all costs, and comparing yourself with others.
Body dysmorphia can become very tiring, frustrating, and isolating. There have been times when I felt so big, unlovable, and—it makes me sad to say it—disgusting that I couldn’t leave the house. I’d cancel on my friends and family and would even have a hard time taking work meetings.
One night, I was getting ready for dinner, and I just couldn’t get my hair done the way I wanted. Everything just fell apart in my head, and I started getting triggered so intensely that I burst into tears, panicked, and thought I looked so ugly that I didn’t want anyone to see me or be around me. Thankfully, a family member was there to talk me out of that moment when my view of myself was so negative and distorted.
Here are four things that really helped me with my body dysmorphia:
1. Therapy
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy helped me so much and EMDR especially, like I’ve written about before. I used to keep food diaries where I’d record all my eating patterns and the times of the day I’d feel the most triggered and panicky about my body and food.
2. Getting older
It might be simplistic, but wisdom and age are the best recipe for a lot of problems and mental health conditions. Life just gets more manageable after having gone through so much. Priorities are different, and things that used to take up so much brain space no longer do.
3. Sharing your journey
Sharing my struggle with eating disorders, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and body dysmorphia with others who’ve also had them was just as important as therapy.
4. Understanding that everything is temporary
It is absolutely true and valid. A lot of curable mental health conditions will simply get milder with time and therapy.
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