Hello again, dear friend Anonymous. Welcome back to our sex talk column where readers submit questions, and then we do our research and craft a story to answer.
The topic of our latest submission: why do you feel so tired after sex?
To help explain, we enlisted Dr. Jolene Brighten, a board-certified naturopathic endocrinologist and certified sex counselor. Here’s what she had to say:
Why do some people get tired after sex? Is it normal?
“During sex, there are numerous hormones being released that promote a calm state, especially during orgasm, which means it’s normal and common to feel tired after sex,” Dr. Brighten says. “Oxytocin, vasopressin, dopamine, serotonin, prolactin, nitric oxide, and endorphins are all released during sexual activity and orgasm. Some of these hormones, like oxytocin, contribute to feeling more relaxed and tired after sex. Oxytocin also opposes the hormone cortisol, which is associated with being alert and awake.
“Interestingly, as I discussed in my book Is This Normal?, semen also contains hormones like melatonin, which may contribute to feeling sleepy after being exposed to it via intercourse or swallowing during oral sex.”
Whoa. You learn something new every day.
“If you’re someone with cardiovascular issues, iron deficiency anemia, or a chronic health condition, then you may find that just the physical act of sex leaves you feeling tired,” she continues. “The way you feel during and after sex can also impact how depleted you might feel. If you’re looking for intimacy and connection, then it may be that you feel tired when that need isn’t met.”
Is there any time it should cause concern?
“In general, feeling sleepy after sex isn’t a cause for concern. If feeling tired is accompanied by shortness of breath (beyond what you’d expect given the current activity), dizziness, heart palpitations, and anxiety, then it is worth discussing with your doctor. But you’d be unlikely to only experience this with sex. You would notice these symptoms occurring with physical activity or exertion outside the bedroom,” Dr. Brighten explains.
“There is a condition known as Post-Coital Dysphoria (PCD) in which people feel a deep sense of sadness, or even depression-like symptoms, following sex. In another condition, Post-Orgasmic Illness Syndrome (POIS), people feel like they have the flu—fatigued, achy, brain fog, and otherwise ill. This can occur after sex and last almost a week. If you suspect either of these conditions, it’s important to meet with your provider or a sex therapist,” she advises.
What about people who get lots of energy after sex?
“Given the orgasm gap that exists within heterosexual couples (that is, the lack of orgasms women are experiencing compared to their male partner), you may not get the large hormone release that contributes to the sense of relaxation you’d expect. Sometimes people’s bodies are still experiencing the pre-climax hormone cocktail that keeps them up and ready for another round,” Dr. Brighten says.
“But it is also quite normal to feel energized in the same way you can after exercise,” she adds. “Your endorphins are up, nitric oxide is released, and prolactin levels are typically higher during sex. Interestingly, there is a biological component to how your body responds to prolactin, with men typically feeling more tired and women experiencing more of a wired effect.”
Dr. Brighten ends with this: “What matters most in this conversation is what your normal is and if you’re experiencing changes that might warrant a trip to the doctor.”
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Board-certified naturopathic endocrinologist and clinical sexologist Dr. Jolene Brighten is a leader in women’s health and hormone balance, best-selling author of Is This Normal?, speaker, and founder of Rubus Health.
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