Close Close

Congratulations
You're on the list.

Make sure to check your spam folder so that our emails are always delivered into your inbox.
xo, Kourt
Give your inbox
and your life

the Poosh it needs.
By clicking SIGN UP, you agree to receive emails from Poosh and agree to our terms of use and privacy policy.
FREE SHIPPING ON ALL ORDERS
  • HEALTH + WELLNESS
  • LIFE + STYLE
  • HOME + ENTERTAINING
  • KMK
Poosh
  • Poosh Your Wellness
  • Newsletter
  • Keep in touch
    instagram pinterest facebook twitter youtube
  • search
  • Shop
  • search
  • body
  • diy
  • fitness
  • Giving Back
  • health
  • mind
  • Relationships
  • soul
Dating with Anxiety: What It Truly Feels Like
Dating with Anxiety: What It Truly Feels Like
New Ab Workouts to Achieve a Strong Core
New Ab Workouts to Achieve a Strong Core
Are You a Sleep-Sabotager?
Are You a Sleep-Sabotager?
Looking to Cut Back on Cheese? Try These Alternatives
Looking to Cut Back on Cheese? Try These Alternatives
How to Break the Habit of Stalking Your Ex on Social Media
How to Break the Habit of Stalking Your Ex on Social Media
Aging’s Biggest Culprit
Aging’s Biggest Culprit
  • Adulting
  • beauty
  • guides
  • Hacks
  • style
  • travel
Apps to Streamline Your Life 
Apps to Streamline Your Life 
The Minimalist (and Clean) Body Care Brand to Add to Your Rotation
The Minimalist (and Clean) Body Care Brand to Add to Your Rotation
Under $50 Poosh-Approved Products
Under $50 Poosh-Approved Products
The Anti-Aging Way to Apply Eye Cream
The Anti-Aging Way to Apply Eye Cream
The Best Herbs to Combat Acne
The Best Herbs to Combat Acne
Meet the Woman Behind Kourt’s Favorite Exfoliating Mittens
Meet the Woman Behind Kourt’s Favorite Exfoliating Mittens
  • decor
  • entertaining
  • kids
  • motherhood
  • Playlists
  • recipes
Essentials for an At-Home Pizza Night
Essentials for an At-Home Pizza Night
Kourt’s New Lunch Menu
Kourt’s New Lunch Menu
How I Decluttered My Closet to Downsize
How I Decluttered My Closet to Downsize
2 Ways to Do Vegan Tuna Lettuce Wraps
2 Ways to Do Vegan Tuna Lettuce Wraps
Kourt’s Rice Krispie Treats Recipe
Kourt’s Rice Krispie Treats Recipe
Under $100 Decor Items to Brighten Your Space
Under $100 Decor Items to Brighten Your Space
  • family
  • kourtney
The Makeup Tips Kourt Recently Learned from Kylie
The Makeup Tips Kourt Recently Learned from Kylie
Ways Kourt Has Made the Most of Her Time at Home
Ways Kourt Has Made the Most of Her Time at Home
*Exclusive* Sneak Peek at the Kardashian/Jenners’ Gift Wrapping
*Exclusive* Sneak Peek at the Kardashian/Jenners’ Gift Wrapping
The Devotional Book Kourt Reads Every Morning
The Devotional Book Kourt Reads Every Morning
Kourt’s Makeup Artist on How to Apply the Perfect Lashes
Kourt’s Makeup Artist on How to Apply the Perfect Lashes
Kourt’s Cute $7 Reusable Daily Vitamin Bags
Kourt’s Cute $7 Reusable Daily Vitamin Bags
What are you looking for?

Search in:

  • Shop
  • Open/Close Button HEALTH + WELLNESS
    • body
    • diy
    • fitness
    • Giving Back
    • health
    • mind
    • Relationships
    • soul
  • Open/Close Button HOME + ENTERTAINING
    • decor
    • entertaining
    • kids
    • motherhood
    • Playlists
    • recipes
  • Open/Close Button KMK
    • family
    • kourtney
  • Open/Close Button LIFE + STYLE
    • Adulting
    • beauty
    • guides
    • Hacks
    • style
    • travel
  • Poosh Your Wellness
  • Newsletter
instagram pinterest facebook twitter youtube
Relationships

Why Do We Accept  BEING UNDERVALUED?

By Poosh
pinterest facebook twitter email
@christinanadin

Cue a major eye roll from our friends in stable relationships when we make excuses for a sub-par partnership. “But he texts me back most of the time!” “He tells me I’m pretty when we are in bed together!” “Sometimes he opens the door for me!” We have likely been there at some point in our younger years, but when is it time to start giving stock to some reasonable expectations?

Michelle Afont, relationship expert, divorce lawyer, and multi-published author whose most recent work is The Dang Factor, refers to this bare minimum as a relationship deficit. She acknowledges that “letting go of the tiniest morsel of love and affection can be extremely difficult” when we are so conditioned to operating in this kind of love deficit.

We may have developed this mindset early on, from relationships with our parents. Or maybe we let it happen in our first few romantic encounters, and we’ve automatically acclimated ourselves to this kind of treatment meaning real love. “We tend to tolerate feeling undervalued and unappreciated because of fear, perceived desperation, and quite frankly, timing,” Afont shares. That is, “fear of not finding someone else, and a feeling of romantic hopelessness elevates our tolerance of bad behavior from our partner.”

The first step? No more excuses. Try seeing things for what they are, honestly, with yourself. Ask your trusted friends’ opinion. Decide if what you have is enough to sustain you, or if you’re settling, always waiting for something more. 

Secondly, self-love up. “We cannot let our lowest points attract our lowest relationships. That is why it is so important to get yourself to your highest point before you begin to date so that you attract the highest relationship. Low attracts low. At our low points, we settle for that low partner, and consider him as being our equal, when in fact, he is not.”

Afont illuminates the fact that we choose what we deserve. “To be valued and appreciated feels good and elevates our being. If we are 100% willing to be with someone who undervalues us, then we are in essence saying, ‘This is who I am capable of attracting.’ We accept this because we truly feel this is our worth. The key is embracing what you bring to the relationship and the standards you set from this point forward.”

It’s really an act of conditioning. We set patterns for ourselves that are constantly being repeated. Afont makes this clear by saying that most often, our last relationship sets the mindset for our future relationships. “If you have accepted feeling undervalued, chances are, you will accept the same behavior in your next relationship. When people say, ‘Why does she always date losers?’ it is because she truly only feels worthy of that level of partner. We must teach ourselves the value we bring to our relationships.”

If you’ve been feeling a little taken for granted in your current long-term commitment, we aren’t saying to throw in the towel. Afont encourages communication with our partners, and giving them a chance to see and validate our feelings and the opportunity to grow from it. If the love is real, then shifting their awareness is totally possible.

However, if you’re currently single with a path of low-hanging fruit in your wake, maybe it’s time to begin the shift yourself. “Your path forward hinges on the path behind you. In other words, your past relationships, and the standards you have accepted in the past, will set the stage for your future.”

The content provided in this article is provided for information purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice and consultation, including professional medical advice and consultation; it is provided with the understanding that Poosh, LLC (“Poosh”) is not engaged in the provision or rendering of medical advice or services. The opinions and content included in the article are the views of the interviewee only, and Poosh does not endorse or recommend any such content or information, or any product or service mentioned in the article. You understand and agree that Poosh shall not be liable for any claim, loss, or damage arising out of the use of, or reliance upon any content or information in the article.

Up next, shop the newest items from the Poosh Shop here.

You may also like...

How to Date During a Pandemic
Relationships
How to Date During a Pandemic
Is an Emotional Affair Really Cheating?
Relationships
Is an Emotional Affair Really Cheating?

Related Articles

Dating with Anxiety: What It Truly Feels Like
Relationships
Dating with Anxiety: What It Truly Feels Like
How to Break the Habit of Stalking Your Ex on Social Media
Relationships
How to Break the Habit of Stalking Your Ex on Social Media
The Best Dating Advice I’ve Learned from Kourt
Relationships
The Best Dating Advice I’ve Learned from Kourt
Is Good Sex Mainly Mental?
mind
Is Good Sex Mainly Mental?
When to Let Go in a Relationship
Relationships
When to Let Go in a Relationship
Sex Talk: What Is Edging?
Relationships
Sex Talk: What Is Edging?
Are You Guilty of Treating Someone Like a Trash Receptacle?
mind
Are You Guilty of Treating Someone Like a Trash Receptacle?
How to Shift Your Mood to Get in the Mood
Relationships
How to Shift Your Mood to Get in the Mood

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

By clicking SIGN UP, you agree to receive emails from Poosh and agree to our terms of use and privacy policy.
  • About
  • Contact
  • Terms & Conditions
  • Privacy Policy
  • Cookie Policy
  • California Privacy Rights
  • Affiliate Disclosure
  • Accessibility
  • © poosh, llc
    All Rights Reserved

Keep in Touch

instagram pinterest facebook twitter youtube
ADA + WCAG 2.2 Compliant Badge
Made By Nice People