You asked, and we answered. Ok, so maybe we asked. For a friend. A close friend. A friend here at Poosh.
No, this question isn’t disingenuous—these things happen. And what happens when a perfectly nice guy is just a little larger than anticipated? Perhaps a slower go at hot, hot passion, that’s what.
And then what?
We tapped Certified Sex and Relationship Practitioner, Georgia Grace to give us just the tips on how to get by when you’re in a rock-hard place. Isn’t that how the saying goes?
“When people say, ‘my partner’s too big,’ they’re often met with ‘lucky you.’ However, bigger isn’t always better, and sometimes it can make penetration painful, uncomfortable, or even impossible,” Georgia begins.
While we’d like to state that in our—ehem—friend’s case, it wasn’t exactly impossible. But it raised a few questions at the start of something that seemed like it could become an ongoing thing.
“Some clients have even identified that having sex with a larger penis has had a negative impact on their sex life,” Georgia counters.
“They start to avoid sex as they fear the potential pain/discomfort and, as a result, it starts to affect their relationship,” she explains.
That’s not what our friend here wanted to see happen. Not at all. In fact, everything else was great, and that—big obstacle—she’ll call it, felt like something she could handle. Learn to love. Etc.
“First up,” Georgia continues, “it may be useful to see a pelvic physio to assess whether it’s the size of your partner or whether you have tight pelvic floor muscles, vaginismus, or another condition that is preventing penetration. It may be that you need to learn a few tools like massage, kegels and reverse kegels, breathwork, slowing down, practicing with dilators—all of which can be assessed by a pelvic physio.”
More practical tips during sex:
Tell him he needs to take a little more time to build arousal.
“Thirty seconds of oral is not enough. For people with vulvas, it can take 20 to 40 mins to be fully aroused, and the more aroused you are, the better sex will feel. This also takes the pressure off penetration.”
And getting turned on isn’t always a single routine. Mix it up, boys. More on that later.
Expand your definition of sex.
“Yes penetration is great, but there are infinite ways to have sex, and if penetration isn’t possible, try something else. Mutual masturbation, oral, sensual massage, bring back the dry hump!”
Figure out which positions are best for you.
“There isn’t a one-size-fits-all (heh-heh) for this, so you’ll need to do a bit of trial and error. Many of my clients say that they prefer to be on top, as it allows them to have more control over the speed at which they’re being penetrated. But others say lying on their back and holding their partners hips, slowly guiding them in at a pace that is comfortable, is best for them.”
“Toys are the perfect tool to help build arousal and intensify pleasure and sensation, but they’re also great in moments where penetration isn’t possible. Instead of pushing through the pain, bring out your toys, and explore together.
Use lots and lots of lube.
“Lube isn’t the antidote to everything, but I can’t tell you how many times I’ve told clients to use a good quality, body-safe lube, and they’ve come back to the next session and had the best sexual experiences because they had the glide and slide they needed. The more lube you have, the more slippery it’ll be, so make sure you’re starting off slow.”