Hello again, dear friend Anonymous. Welcome back to our sex talk column where readers submit questions, then we do our research and craft a story to answer as many questions as we can. We tapped Dr. Kate Balestrieri—licensed psychologist, certified sex and PACT couples therapist, and founder of Modern Intimacy in Los Angeles, California—to provide her (s)expert knowledge on steamy topics (like how to teach yourself to squirt, everything you need to know about edging, if nipple orgasms are real, ways to increase your libido, sex stage fright, and more). Today she’s taking the mic in our Ask Us Anything: The Sex Edition, to answer the latest submission. The topic? An amazing technique to help you get off.
What Is Rocking and Should I Try It in Bed?
“Empowered sex is hot sex! Over the past few years, a group of researchers identified several techniques people with vaginas can use to move their bodies during sex to take control of their own pleasure. Rocking is at the top of the list.
Let’s face it, having an orgasm during vaginal penetration is not a guarantee. But for vagina owners who take pleasure in their own hands—or in this case, their own hips—a more satisfying experience is ahead.
Being penetrated is often an experience of receiving, and sometimes it can feel more passive. But there are more active ways to take control of the way your body moves, to stimulate it in a way that sparks fire. The researchers at OMGyes outlined over a dozen empowering movements for vagina owners and gave each technique a unique name. This study and its results may not sound like anything groundbreaking, but for people with vaginas who have been disconnected from sexual autonomy, unsure of how to get themselves off, unsatisfied with a partner, or shamed away from owning their own pleasure, this is a big deal.
There are many ways for vagina owners to step into an embodied state of sexual power. Creating language for these movements normalizes an empowered state of pleasure, centering the focus of stimulation on the person with the vagina. Mutuality during sex is essential, although not always a given, especially in sexual relationships between cisgender men and cisgender women (hello, orgasm gap). A shared language creates more room for partners to talk about how to have better sex.
Let’s take a deeper look at rocking as a movement that can change the way you have sex. Rocking consists of moving your pelvis and mons so that your clitoris sustains pressure along the base of the penis, hand, or sex toy that is inside you. The most important element of rocking is that penetration remains constant and is not an interrupted experience, proving the clitoris with continuous sensation and stimulation. Instead of your partner moving in and out of your vagina (which can disrupt clitoral stimulation), their penis, hand, or toy remains inside, while you rock back and forth to ensure your clitoris is in on the fun. You take control of how quickly or slowly you rock, whether you move forward and back, side to side, in circles, or randomly, and how much pressure you use on your clitoris. The pleasure is yours to create.
Rocking can be accessed from multiple positions, with you on top, on your side, or even on your back, as long as your partner understands the assignment. Communicate with them about what you like, and let them watch as you literally rock your own world.
During penetration, rocking or using any of the other techniques outlined by the researchers at OMGyes can change the way you experience pleasure. You may even be already putting these moves into action, without knowing what they are called because intuitively, you know how to feel good.
Even more important than the specific movements is the mindset that goes with rocking, or the other techniques. Contrary to popular belief, orgasms do not happen to you. You cultivate orgasms, you make space for them, you give your body permission for them, and you can take responsibility for priming your movements for them.”
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