Hello again, dear friend Anonymous. Welcome back to our sex talk column where readers submit questions, then we do our research and craft a story to answer as many questions as we can. We tapped Holly Richmond, PhD, LMFT, Dame Clinical Board member, for today’s topic of discussion: the elusive blended orgasms. Namely, what are they and how can we have some?
What exactly are the elusive “blended orgasms”?
Blended orgasms are defined as the combination of clitoral and G-spot orgasms. However, focusing solely on these two erogenous zones can feel limiting for some people, so I prefer to offer a more inclusive approach to blended orgasms so everyone can define them for themselves. A blended orgasm includes at least two points of intense pleasure that induce orgasm, unlike most orgasms that originate from the clitoris alone or from another singular source like the G-spot, nipples, anus, etc.
Can everyone achieve them, in theory?
Yes, absolutely, everyone has the capability of achieving a blended orgasm. That said, when pleasure becomes goal-oriented, it can take away from the delicious experience of the moment.
I practice from a sex-positive approach, which means, “All sex is good sex as long as it’s consensual and pleasurable.” This frees us up from judgment (or shame) about what turns us on, how we self-pleasure, and how we orgasm.
Are they better than a singular orgasm, or just different?
Blended orgasms are different, not necessarily better. However, many people report their orgasm feeling stronger or more intense when it is blended and coming from two points of pleasure rather than just one.
There’s no such thing as a bad orgasm, so however you can get yourself there is great.
How to achieve—or practice achieving—them?
Achieving a blended orgasm starts with relaxation, presence, and curiosity. This is a practice, not a performance or a perfect art form.
Start by locating either the clitoris or the G-spot—don’t go for both at the same time. Also, make sure you are aroused and lubricated, or feel free to grab your favorite lube, like Dame’s Aloe Lube.
Clitoral stimulation is highly subjective, so however it feels best for you—or your partner—to touch your clit is exactly correct. This may be intense, direct touch or stimulation with a toy, or you may feel incredibly sensitive so only light touches or indirect stimulation to the clitoris feels best.
From there, you’ll need to find your G-spot, which is located about two to three inches inside and up the anterior wall of the vagina. It will feel like a dime-sized rough spot (like the roof of your mouth). Stimulating the G-spot with your finger or a toy can feel fantastic and cause “squirting,” which is the release of female ejaculate (yes, it does have some traces of uric acid in it, but it’s not just pee!).
Please take time to decide if you like your G-spot stimulated.
Some vulva-havers love it and it’s a huge turn-on, while others say that it just makes them feel like they have to pee and they don’t experience any sexual pleasure from it being stimulated. Again, both of those experiences are perfectly normal and acceptable!
Most people will use a finger on their clit and a toy that hits their G-spot, like Dame’s Arc, but using two toys or both hands is absolutely fine too. Apply pressure and speed in a way that works for you, and be patient with yourself. This is a fairly complex sexual move, so it may take some time to figure out what feels best.
I most often encourage people to explore on their own and then invite their partner to help with one or both pleasure points. But if it feels best to have your partner involved from the start, of course, that’s great.
Are there any positions that are best?
1. Cowgirl or reverse cowgirl
3. Closed missionary position
4. From behind (like doggy, but you’ll need your hands)
Remember, if you really want to experience a blended orgasm but the G-spot or clitoris doesn’t do it for you, utilize other parts of your body like your neck, nipples, feet, or anus. Every body is different and responds to pleasure in a variety of ways, so be open to exploration and discovering what works best for you!
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