Hello again, dear friend Anonymous. Welcome back to our sex talk column where readers submit questions, then we do our research and craft a story to answer as many questions as we can. Today, we’re investigating an age-old query: if you don’t use it, do you actually lose it?
Like, we’re pretty sure no? But it would be nice to get confirmation from an actual expert in the field. So we tapped global sexologist and mentor Juliet Allen to help. Everyone, breathe a sigh of relief—it’s good news. In fact, Juliet even says a sex break could be beneficial for our sex lives. Oooh la la, tell us more.
Here’s what Juliet has to say re: using it or losing it.
“Having sex is like riding a bike: once you hop back on, you very quickly get the hang of riding again. Having a break from sex does not mean that you’ll lose your mojo, or your special touch.”
“In fact, a break from sex can be really valuable because it gives us an opportunity to reconnect with ourselves and fill up our cup with other pleasure-filled activities in life. It also gives us an opportunity to focus on other aspects of our mental and physical health that often get put to the bottom of the list when we’re engaging in lots of sex—especially is if it’s not truly transformational sex.”
“After time out and time to reflect, we are able to approach sex with new energy and new ideas. So don’t be afraid of a break. And don’t worry if right now, you’re just not getting any. Your time will come again (pardon the pun), and things will only get better from here.”
And, if you’re curious about how a long dry spell can effect you (or that friend you’re asking for) physiologically, listen: we’re still in the clear. Our sensitivity does not suddenly plummet, or disappear altogether.
Of course, the vaginal walls are very elastic and muscular. And dare we mention the hottest muscle of the last few years… the pelvic floor? These groups of muscles do need to be worked just like any other muscle, but you don’t need a partner to help you with that. There are tons of pelvic floor exercises one can do to keep that area toned and, er, responsive.
As for vaginal walls— they naturally expand when aroused, whether your self-play is external or internal. So contraction and expansion during self love is just as good as the real thing, as far as your vagina is concerned.
The next time you do choose to consensually fornicate with an extremely lucky so-an-so, things may feel a bit tight at first. But muscle memory will serve you very well in the (happy) end, so let the literal (and physical) pressure to get consistently laid be a load off your mind. You’re doing just fine.
Up next, be the first to know our weekly content and sign up for our Poosh newsletter.