Despite love stories and fairytales trying to convince you that you need a partner to be fulfilled, you are whole as you are, with or without your s/o. You don’t have to be waiting for your life to begin once your person comes onto the scene. And when they do, you aren’t their “better half,” as they aren’t yours. And you most certainly don’t need someone to “complete you,” nor is your purpose to complete them. Everyone should be whole unto themselves—at least, these should be the new goals in partnership. If not, and you buy into thinking you’re just languishing until you meet The One, it’s a surefire setup to destroy all the good that the partnership could potentially bring when they do show up. Your expectations of what that relationship should deliver you will all but trample whatever good exists between you.
You Do You
You may be primed to think you need rescuing and that you need a partner-in-crime to face life’s turmoil. You have the wherewithal to show up for yourself and are fully equipped to do so. And if you don’t feel that you are, then for goodness’ sake, do what you can to become that person you’ve been hoping your partner will finally be for you. It’s time.
You are ultimately responsible for your own happiness, fulfillment, choices, and emotional life.
From that power position—because that’s what true power is—you get to share your wholeness with another. And that’s fun and joyful. Of course, who doesn’t want all of that love, play, security, companionship, and intimacy with another person that coupling up delivers? Realistically, you’re going to feel off-balance in your coupledom from time to time as you travel through life together. You might even have to carry your love, supporting them compassionately through hard times, but it should feel reciprocal and stable, as both of you are doing your own work to grow and show up for yourself within the relationship.
Love Without Conditions
Ask yourself if you’re inhabiting the relationship wholeheartedly. Are you diving in unconditionally? You may think you need to be the linchpin in someone’s happiness or that someone needs to be the epicenter of all things. The truth is, that’s fun and fine in the beginning, but it tends to be unsustainable, and in so doing, you give up responsibility for your state.
Are you aspiring to embody unconditional love?
Can you honestly say to them, “I want you to fulfill your potential and be a whole human being whether I’m there or not?” Or, “I want you to grow outside of me being the center of your world.”
Whoa, that’s big love. That’s a glimpse into unconditional love. It’s unselfish and it allows you both sovereignty within it. That’s trust and faith in what you have, without dominance and possession.
New Vows In Partnership
It’s trusting your paths are intertwined for as long as it serves your individual evolutions. Let that be the romantic intention between you. Your vows to each other (or just your internal intention) might sound like this: “I’ll love you to the fullest extent I can, while committedly working on myself, and growing alongside you. I’ll fight through my blocks and limitations, and I’ll communicate my needs and wants with grit and grace. I’ll hold up the mirror, lovingly pointing you to your own wholeness. Beyond that, I know not. I release control of outcomes and timeframes. I trust our paths separately and together.”
If this isn’t true for you in your current partnership, or what you’ve been aspiring to when you get back into one, maybe you didn’t know this could be love’s mission. Whoever stays together the longest doesn’t win. It’s who brings the most self-awareness and compassion to the relational table. Who fights to allow triggers to reveal their gifts as you activate each other to heal. It’s deepening your capacity to love yourself and the other. It casts aside everything you’ve been taught to strive for relationally. Anything outside of that is a potential trap, so you don’t have to be fully responsible for yourself or your own needs and wants within a sacred, intimate partnership. Onwards and upwards!
Ryan Haddon, ACC, CH, is a certified Life and Spiritual Coach, as well as a hypnotherapist. She works remotely with clients globally, helping them create their best life. You can follow her on IG @ryanhaddoncoach or visit her website www.ryanhaddon.com.
