With everything in life, there’s a time and place for certain conversations. We like to live by a “lead with positivity” mindset and find a way to embrace silver linings when it comes to life challenges—or in today’s case, a breakup. That said, we’re only human, and sometimes a full-blown vent session with your closest friends or family members (emphasis on closest) to help get out of a funk caused by a relationship ending is truly needed. There’s a lot to unpack here because there are levels to “trash talking” your former s/o. Here are our thoughts:
So when is it OK?
If you need to let out some angry thoughts and feelings over the phone or in person (always better IRL for these convos) to your tight circle (maybe keep it to one person) to clear your mind and help your mental health, then so be it. Your true friends will know you were venting and maybe said things in the heat of the moment, but who hasn’t done that. We’re all probably guilty on this one. Sometimes just screaming, “That f*****” and letting it out is just what you need to release and let go of pent-up emotions.
Keep in mind …
If you do this too often and plan to (or have hopes to) get back together with your ex, your friends and family may become cautious and hesitant to be fully supportive (because they’ve got your back, and that’s a good thing!). So tread lightly when you’re airing your dirty ~relationship~ laundry.
When is it not OK?
Simply put, when you have a revenge mindset. Nothing good will come from this. As we mentioned above, if it’s a harmless vent session, that’s one thing, but blabbing to anyone who will listen to you about how “terrible” your ex was is never a good look. Not cool. There’s no reason to drag someone’s name through the mud out of spite and heartbreak. If your extended group of friends asks about the breakup, keep it short and light. Not everyone needs to know the nitty-gritty details. Keep a private journal for the raw and negative thoughts you may have about your former partner.
The other situation …
If a friend is going on a date with a person you’ve heard not-so-great things about, use your judgment. Depending on the situation, this would be a time where you might want to give your friend a heads up, like “Hey, I’m sure you’ll gauge an impression for yourself, but I have heard XYZ, and I’m telling you because I care about you not to be a buzzkill for your date.” Might be a difficult conversation, but if the person really is bad news, your friend will appreciate it in the long run.
The short answer? Keep it to a minimum (or to yourself) for your own sake and the sake of the people you talk to daily. Fuming feelings do pass, so don’t forget that.
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