To text or not to text … that is the question!
This heartbreak/dating coach doesn’t have any black-and-white rules on texting, whether you’re newly dating or in a long-term relationship, and that is great news.
Editor’s note: Although this article uses male pronouns, the advice applies to all sexual orientations and gender identities.
Who wants a rulebook on what to say and when to text? Each connection you make will be unique for the two of your individual communication styles. Build a muscle (through practice!) to get savvy on what to say, and dare I suggest you have fun connecting with a potential new lover?!
Now, for those of you who are dying to have someone do the heavy lifting and text the apple of your eye for you, how will this support an authentic long-term connection, if it isn’t coming from you? (Unless a trusted coach or other professional is offering you guidance to support your growth as a dater!)
YOU get to create standards on how often you want to communicate, the timing of your responses, and even the tone you choose (easy on the emojis and exclamation points, but that’s just my opinion), while also staying open to your new guy’s texting style, leaving some room to adjust and compromise your expectations.
This doesn’t mean you justify a guy responding five days after you reach out about plans, or texting you at 9:30 on a Friday night to see what you’re up to, because, “It’s been SO long since I felt this way!”
How do YOU like to communicate with the object of your affection?
If it’s all day, every day, do a self-inquiry.
Are you concerned that if you don’t know each other’s play-by-play that it means he’s lost interest? Do you believe constant contact gives you security?
I may consider myself an expert in the dating/relationship arena, and I do have my personal opinions, but whose place is it to say what’s right or wrong, healthy or unhealthy, about how often you text with a new guy or long-term partner?
It all comes down to what works for both people in the relationship, but it’s important to clean up your reasoning behind EVERY action you take in your love life—especially the written words in text exchanges, which can easily be misinterpreted.
My coaching approach stems from the belief that our thoughts create our results.
If you’re thinking, “He’s lost interest,” because it took him seven hours to respond, how do you feel, ACT, and ultimately, what RESULT does that yield for you?
You’d probably feel some relief once you hear back, but also feel guarded and protective, so you purposefully delay a less-than-warm response (your action), that then creates the RESULT of a greater disconnect between you and the guy you supposedly LIKE!
So, how do you show up as your confident, authentic, desirable self, not coming off too eager, but also not acting too cool for school—both of which could result in you pushing him farther away? Stay tuned for part two airing soon.