As women, we don’t always feel 100% secure about every aspect of our life, whether it’s our body, our career, our intellect, our age, or our relationships. In today’s world of Instagram and social media, we can become obsessive and feel more and more pressured to attain “perfection” (which we all know doesn’t actually exist). As a result, we can be left feeling inadequate and insecure, leading to poor self-esteem and low confidence. I have practiced as a clinical psychologist for years, and these are what I believe to be the top three most common insecurities women struggle with and ways to conquer those self-doubts. Remember: the mind is a powerful force, and we have the ability to change our outlook and beautifully embrace our uniqueness.
Beauty is by far the biggest insecurity women report. We can be our own harshest critic and therefore we can struggle emotionally to just feel “good enough.” If treatments like Botox/fillers or using your top contouring skills make you feel your best, by all means, go for it. But it’s also important to remember to embrace your imperfections and own what makes you unique. Realizing that your characteristics are distinct to you and carrying that with confidence really sets the tone for security. After all, physical attractiveness is temporary, so we should gravitate toward developing inner qualities that are long-lasting and permanent.
Women can often feel insecure and struggle with the idea of being wanted in relationships. Feeling unloved and undesirable creates an inner conflict where we then begin to compare ourselves with other women who we perceive have more than we do. We tend to focus more on the things that are lacking in us rather than the things we have. Additionally, we look for validation and approval from a partner rather than looking inward at the root cause of our insecurity. Trying to find security and reassurance through a partner is like putting a Band-Aid on an open wound. A more substantial approach to overcoming these insecurities includes mindfully increasing self-love and compassion. One way to access this is to make a list of all your strengths and positive characteristics and call it your “confidence file.” Pull this out when you are feeling insecure in your relationship and allow it to remind you of all the positive qualities you have.
In my experience, I’ve found that many women feel doubtful about their ability to participate in intellectual conversations constructively. They fear not being able to contribute something of value, which should never be the case. This insecurity can arise around romantic partners as well as coworkers, friends, and family. Observing the interactions of others can be a great way to learn how to incorporate different strategies in conversations. Also, focusing more on your own personal goals expands intellectual ability, grants more confidence, and adds depth to your inputs.
Women feel insecure for a multitude of reasons, but they can beat those feelings in a slew of ways. Regardless of how self-conscious you may feel, remember that everyone has their own version of insecurities. Focus your efforts on overcoming yours and allowing space for your own growth and personal development.
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Jennifer Galvan, Ph.D., is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice in Woodland Hills, California. Dr. Galvan has several years of training and experience in psychoanalytic psychotherapy and has been part of many podcasts and seminars around diverse topics. For more information, visit Dr. Galvan’s website at www.galvanpsychology.com or follow @dr.jennifergalvan on Instagram.
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