Some of my unattached friends joke they’ll be single forever now that they are confined to their lonesome at home, which is funny, but I don’t think it’s true. In fact, once COVID-19 is under manageable control and society comes out of hiding, I think the dating pool will be even juicier. Top prospects have been starved for love and are chomping at the bit. Get it, ladies!
But what about those of us who are spending a bit more—OK, way more—time with our darling lovers now that we are social distancing? For some of us, these times are a huge change from the norm, and it’s not always easy.
I think there are some romanticized misconceptions about hunkering down, braving the storm, gazing into each other’s eyes for hours and being an overall super-unit while this global pandemic forces us to be the only people we interact with in person indefinitely. And by us, I mean my boyfriend and I. We’ve been together five and a half years, and lived together for four and a half of those beautiful years.
For a moment, when we weren’t sure the severity of our situation, I thought, “Well, the silver lining is certainly more quality time together,” since our opposite schedules keep us from spending much time together at all. Images of myself rubbing my palms together maniacally, cackling like a cartoonish paradigm of a witch, come to mind. “He’s all mine now, he-he-heh!” However, the reality of that is a little more complex.
I’ve worked from home for years and really value my productive time alone to get shit done. He is always out of the house for work, so there’s not much crossover. Now, we have to navigate being on top of each other while we both want or need to be doing completely different activities, so this extra “quality time” together is taking a bit more navigation. Luckily, I am dating The World’s Most Patient Man; however, I think it’s a team effort that has kept things moving thus far. Here is my advice.
Have some activities that you want to do together, and some you want to do alone. Just because you’re living together doesn’t mean every waking moment needs to be spent together. It’s true—it’s not a constant cuddle fest. Plan some days that you work out together, or schedule things you want to watch together, but feel free to create some boundaries. Take a walk alone. Carve out time for an uninterrupted bath. Listen to a podcast with your headphones in. Cook something only you like.
Communicate. OK, so this one is vital no matter the global health climate, but it’s especially crucial when you’re both enclosed in tight quarters. Drop the whole “whatever-you-want-babe” act when asked a question, and communicate truly what you want and need. No need to keep score, but be mindful of your partner’s needs as well, and try to make sure that theirs are getting met just as frequently as yours.
Hold back “constructive” comments. You might start to notice things your partner could, ehem, improve upon, while continually remaining in each other’s very close presence, but the age-old wisdom doesn’t lie: pick your battles. Resist the urge to nitpick their every move, and decide what affects you and what doesn’t. Feel free to call them out, thoughtfully and with sincerity, if they aren’t holding their side of that bargain with you.
Try to keep up your normal amount of affection. I tend to think this is a great rule of thumb for long-term love as well. Just because there is no shortage of time together and your affections need not be so urgent or, dare I say, passionate, doesn’t mean that they are not well-received. Loving gestures breed more loving gestures, so keep up the lovin’ so that things don’t suddenly appear stale. And often in a healthy relationship, you reap what you sow. I like to reap massages.