Hello again, dear friend Anonymous. Welcome back to our sex talk column. The topic of our latest submission: what to do if he has a small penis.
Editor’s note: Although this article uses male pronouns, the advice applies to all sexual orientations and gender identities.
Our wellness editor recalls a story from her single days:
“I was getting ready to sleep with a guy for the first time. Everything was going fine—until he pulled away for a moment and whispered in my ear, ‘Just so you know, I have a really big dick.’
“Okay…kinda weird, moving on.
“But then he pulled back again, looked me dead in the eyes, and said, ‘So I need you to tell me if it hurts.’ Ummmmm….
“‘No, I’m serious, tell me if it hurts.’ Still looking me dead in the eyes.
“Reader, he did not have a really big dick. It was actually on the smaller side.
“There’s nothing wrong with a small penis! But him making a big (pardon the pun) deal of something that wasn’t—literally—was so awkward.”
So, what does one do if Kroll the Warrior King wants to come out and play…but he’s smaller than expected?
We tapped Emily Morse, founder of Sex With Emily, for tips, so we’ll let her take it away.
“If your partner has a small penis, don’t panic. First of all, there are misconceptions about the average penis size. I can assure you that what you see in porn does not reflect reality. The average penis owner is 5.17” erect and 3.6” flaccid, and the average girths (circumferences) are 4.6” erect and 3.6” flaccid.
“Both the G-spot and the P-spot (whatever pleasure area you’re aiming for) are only about two inches inside on the front wall of the vagina or anus, so you don’t have to have a long penis to hit those areas. The internal clitoral network is generally stimulated more by girth than length, so a shorter but wider penis may provide all the pleasure one needs!
“Our culture tends to place too much emphasis on penis size. So while it probably goes without saying, please don’t shame your partners. Every penis owner is a grower, not a shower, and every penis shrinks up when it’s not in use, so to speak—which goes for girth as well as length.
“On top of that, if you’re a vulva owner, penis size is fairly irrelevant to your orgasm. Only about 30% of women can orgasm from penetration alone. So foreplay and clitoral stimulation from tongue, fingers, or toys is often much more important for pleasure than the size of a penis. So my suggestion is to relax on penis size, grab your favorite toys and focus on having pleasurable sex!
“There are certain sex positions that maximize stimulation and pleasure with smaller penises. Missionary with your legs over your head (as the vulva owner) will increase depth (especially with a pillow underneath your hips), as will cowgirl and doggy style.
“Some sex positions, like anal, actually benefit from a smaller penis. Many vulva owners prefer smaller penises for anal because sphincter muscles are naturally tight, and a large or even medium-sized penis can feel uncomfortable. Not so for a smaller one!”
