You’re on number 15 of first dates and you’re starting to get impatient. At this point in the date, you see subtle red flags, but you’re trying to keep an open mind and your eyes and ears peeled for green signs. (Ahh, there’s a few, just enough to keep you wondering, well, IDK, should I continue talking to this person?) Tale as old as time, right?
The thing is, most people will tell you exactly who they are if you’re listening carefully and ask the right questions. Sure, they might lie, but actions always speak louder than words. Enter today’s piece of dating advice where we’re sharing different scenarios that scream hard no on a second date. Aka the things that can go wrong between the first and second date. Which, if you decide to look at the silver lining, just means you saved your energy and set yourself one step closer to finding the right match.
Editor’s note: Although this article uses male pronouns, the advice applies to all sexual orientations and gender identities.
So date one went well—well enough to be considering a second date. But then …
Only to pop up in your DMs or texts two weeks later. Recipe for breadcrumbing. Don’t waste your time unless you’re 100% OK with keeping it very casual.
He makes a second date and cancels.
Of course, there are exceptions, but the reason better be good and he should also suggest a new time to reschedule. Otherwise, he’s just playing your mind and time. Rude.
He tries to have phone or FaceTime sex immediately.
If you’re both simply looking for a hookup buddy, go for it. If you’re looking for a s/o, sounds like you need to keep searching. Sexual tension and passion with someone are completely normal, but if they don’t offer to take you on a proper second date first, then the answer is clear on where their head is at.
He wants to skip the dinner and go straight into the bedroom (unless this is your jam).
This is a totally hot situation after you’ve established what you both want out of the connection but not a good sign for date number two. Again, though, sometimes the passion is just out of this world and you can’t keep your hands off each other and IT JUST HAPPENS. Also, if it does happen, don’t get down on yourself—you wanted it just as bad. Maybe the next day, have an honest conversation about your expectations and what you want out of the relationship.
His idea of a second date is coming over past 10 p.m.
We all know this is code for sex.
Aside from these major red flags, here’s another list of situations that could lead to a less-than-desirable second date. In other words, save your time and outfit for someone deserving of your presence.
- You realize you aren’t attracted to him.
- They showed up late.
- You don’t share the same values or morals.
- They talk about their ex more than once.
- They’re on their phone.
- They don’t take the time to get to know you.
- They can’t hold a casual conversation.
- They have negative energy and only get excited when bringing others down.
- They lack simple manners.
- You aren’t present (mentally).
- They complain too much (again negative energy).
- Too many cocktails.
- You didn’t leave the date feeling excited.
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