So many questions and thoughts running through our minds right now thinking about rough sex. It’s not for everyone, but we’re fans and wanted to investigate the kinky bedroom preference. Is there a deeper meaning if someone likes it rough? Does it have to do with your personality? Are you taking out subconscious anger? Or is it simply because you like the thrill of it? Casey Tanner, therapist, writer, and founder of QueerSexTherapy, helped us explore what it means when you or your partner enjoys things on the rougher side under the sheets. We’ll let her take it from here.
“Contrary to popular belief, our sexual fantasies are not necessarily reflective of what we enjoy in our non-sexual lives. For example, folks who are submissive in bed often lead quite dominant lives in their careers, and vice versa. This is the power of sexual fantasy: that for a brief period of time, we can tap into parts of ourselves that we don’t have access to in our daily lives.
When someone enjoys consensually rough sex, it tells us very little about their personality; some of the gentlest folks I know enjoy playing rough in bed. I also don’t buy the idea that rough sex is an expression of subconscious rage, no more than I believe a person who enjoys an intense workout is secretly livid. While rough sex or intense workouts can certainly help relieve stress, their enjoyment isn’t a sign that the person is seething beneath the surface.
If you enjoy rough sex with a consenting partner, there’s no need to overanalyze it. Perhaps you enjoy the passion that comes with that kind of intensity, or maybe the physical sensations just feel incredible. Sometimes, folks enjoy rough sex because it helps them take their mind off of stress or performance anxiety and keeps them in the moment. Other times, rough sex is desirable because it allows them to tap into the forbidden, which is often erotic.”
And now, cue “What’s Your Fantasy” by Ludacris, because this got us in the ~mood~ to get it on.