When you discover your boundary of trust has been broken because your significant other has cheated, payback scenarios can rush through your head like a raging waterfall. Between bouts of anger, hurt, and shock, thoughts about getting revenge often become the new focus. But what really is the best way to get revenge when you have been the victim of betrayal?
Without rushing into anything drastic, now is your chance to sit back and calculate how to best react and move forward.
Revenge sex might seem like a great idea in your moment of anger and disappointment, but in the long run, sex for revenge can leave you feeling riddled with guilt and regret. Having sex for a purpose other than pure pleasure or genuine feelings of lust can open up a new floodgate of emotions you were not expecting.
A decision on revenge sex can depend on your state of love and emotions for the cheater. As good as revenge may sound at the time, we all know couples who have survived betrayal. Not every infidelity will result in a breakup or divorce, so it is important to consider the chances of a possible reconciliation and how revenge sex will play into your future together.
If your chances of reconciliation are zero (a very understandable position to take) then revenge sex could certainly be a way for you to even the playing field and move forward with a refreshed attitude. A sexual cleanse so to speak, which now puts you in control of your love life.
However, there is a lot to be said for maintaining the upper hand by not giving in to the temptation for revenge. Revenge is only sweet if it truly brings payback. If you have been cheated on, there is a better than good chance your ex-partner will not be affected by your attempted revenge. They cheated on you because they likely do not have committed feelings for you and certainly do not care that they have hurt you. The fact that you had sex with someone else will likely not affect them in the way you have intended. In fact, it could very well backfire altogether as they turn you into “the cheater.”
Why give someone ammunition to use against you? By taking the high road and avoiding revenge sex, you are much better equipped to deal with the cheat as the non-cheater who valued the act of sex. You never want to put yourself in the position of having to have sex just for the sake of “payback.” Wanting to have sex and having to have sex are two entirely different states that come with very different emotional consequences. If in doubt, it is better to err on the side of no sex for revenge. Refraining from stooping to the cheater’s level of morals is far more powerful than seeking sex for revenge.
If you are fairly confident that revenge sex will help you move forward, and you can do so without the risk of hurting or leading on anyone else, then by all means go for it! Here are my three ground rules before you do the deed:
• Don’t rush. Decisions made in haste can often bring unwanted consequences such as regret and guilt.
• Make the decision while sober. Very few good decisions are made while inebriated.
• Do not advertise your revenge on social media. Revenge sex should serve to help you move forward, not entertain your followers.
Michelle Afont is a relationship expert, divorce lawyer, and author of The Dang Factor. She has witnessed firsthand the reasons for the demise of over 50% of the marriages throughout the United States. Her vast experience in the world of breakups, heartbreak, makeups, and re-launching love is the reason she changes the way women love. Michelle has conducted extensive research on the intricacies of love, commitment, faithfulness, and what really makes a relationship work. Follow her on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter for more relationship advice.
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