Liz Goldwyn is an artist, author, podcast host, and founder of The Sex Ed. She wrote Sex, Health, And Consciousness: How to Reclaim Your Pleasure Potential.
Balancing yin and yang energy in ourselves and in our intimate relationships is a delicate dance. Regardless of how you identify in terms of gender or sexuality, we all contain aspects of yin and yang.
Have you ever seen the symbol for yin and yang (or tai chi)? It is a circle, divided into two symmetrical halves by a curved line. One half of the circle is black (yin) with a dot of white. The other half is white (yang) with a dot of black. It represents the duality and balance of nature, the universe, and of energies in harmony and flow.
Yang is not better than yin, nor do we need to ascribe gender to either. It is not feminine to cry or be vulnerable just as it is not masculine to build a house. Embodying a more flexible mindset and a better understanding of the principles of yin (what has traditionally been known as feminine, receptive, passive) and yang (known as masculine, active, strong) energies might help us move past such old-fashioned thinking.
When in a more fluid state, we can “tap into” and redirect our yin and yang energies, leading to better sexual, personal, and even professional results. In 2015, I studied Tae Kwon Do in Los Angeles with Master Kim, who won the Gold Medal at the World Games in Korea. Master Kim taught me tai chi as part of my training and explained how to redirect yang (aggressive) with yin (passive) energy. He told me when he and his wife argue, he utilizes yin in order to resolve things smoothly and effectively instead of meeting her anger with yang energy.
As a woman, one of the most powerful times to connect to our yin energy is during menstruation. It is a period (no pun intended) to turn inward and harness the extraordinary capacity our cycle has for personal reflection, healing, intuition, and metamorphosis.
Yin activities, regardless of gender, can include giving someone a foot massage, cooking for someone, or drawing a bath and creating an erotic mood (candles, flowers, music) for your lover.
Direct, assertive, outward movements can be considered yang, such as paying for a meal, taking the lead in your sexual desires (after first communicating outside of the bedroom!), and asking someone out or saying “I love you” first.
Although tapping into our feelings and showing vulnerability were traditionally considered expressions of yin, it’s time to throw out the system we’ve been taught and create our own, more fluid state of being.
See what I mean? It’s a constant dance of allowing ourselves to soften and then to lead, giving space and grace to our partners to do the same. The more we work on this balance in ourselves, the easier it becomes to tango with another.
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