On the surface, a relationship seems fine, problem-free. And then, seemingly out of nowhere, things change in a disappointing and unexpected way.
Of course, it isn’t out of nowhere.
The subconscious is just finally bubbling to the surface. Often, what it tells us is not what we want to hear.
What’s the good news?
The same techniques that solve your woes can also create the deep, unique, and passionate bond that will last a lifetime.
Here are some simple shifts to make love grow:
Imagine this scene—you notice your partner hasn’t done something you asked them to do. You are annoyed. You don’t express it. You “forget” about it. When they come home, they walk in the door, and they’re already defensive. You don’t understand why.
Research shows that what you feel is communicated to someone even when they’re not around. That means that there may be an argument going on without you ever saying a word! If you can’t “work out” an annoyance in your own mind, find a non-threatening way to express it directly. That way, negative judgment and emotion won’t become part of your telepathic dialogue.
If your partner seems annoyed or distant, take a moment to “listen” to their dialogue by pretending you can hear them express what is going on. Then address what you’ve intuitively “heard.”
If what you’re “hearing” is that someone was critical of a project at work, you might say, “I wish I could take difficult feedback as constructively as you do.” By speaking to the subtext, you may be reaching their deepest upset or concern in a way that demonstrates you know them from the inside out. If you are wrong, no harm, no foul.
Know the other's fantasy of self and integrate it into your vision.
To sharpen your intuitive “listening,” try noticing how your partner wants to be seen by both you and the world, and validate that person. You will become their fountain of reassurance.
Be aware of history, and don’t repeat it.
Note the distressing patterns in the relationships between your partner and their parents, friends, or siblings, and make a shift when you find yourself imitating one of those roles.
Even if you know your partner is recreating their subconscious dynamic with someone else, there’s no need to point it out. Just use your awareness to avoid stepping into the same trap.
Keep a sensual cord in place.
Think of your partner in warm, supportive, and sensual fantasies throughout the day. You will be amazed how this changes your dynamic. Those feelings are received, and you may get some nice juice in kind!
Don’t get stuck in one self.
In a relationship, we often have a default role we play. Notice how many diverse people you really are, and bring those people out when you want to put a charge back into things. Allow intuition, not habit, to select which “you” you express, and live in the one that suits the growth of the relationship.
If you practice these techniques, they will send out real roots that nourish both you and your partner—and your relationship.
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