Fucked and forgotten? We’ve all been there. Either because we’ve done it to someone or it has been done to us. One-night stands are fun, in the moment. It’s important to remember that your “one-nighter” is not a defining factor over how much power you have over yourself. The truth is, we’re learning as we go as well and have decided to share some tips on how to reclaim your power after having a little rendezvous. Mindset is everything.
With the help of our Poosh reader, Danna Yahav, we’re sharing five ways to gain your power back post-one-night stand.
“If you fall into the category of what the fuck did I just do and will the girls smell my shame at brunch when I down 45 mimosas? … this is for you. This is how you reclaim your power and dignity and get your panties back after a one-night stand. More than that, as if that isn’t enough, this is about exploration and understanding why we do what we do. It’s not about the dude, not really. It’s about you.
Dig deep, Pooshies. This will probably be the deepest anyone has gone with you in a while (pun intended).
Editor’s note: Although this article uses male pronouns, the advice applies to all sexual orientations and gender identities.
Here’s what you should think about …
- What got you here in the first place? What were you hoping to accomplish from the horizontal tango whose beard hair you’re still finding in random places? What feelings were you hoping to conjure? It’s never purely physical. So don’t pull out the orgasm card. There’s no judgment or shame. Just be honest. Is it feeling desired? Feeling loved? Feeling sexy? Identify it and then give it to yourself. What are the ways that you can create those feelings for yourself, with yourself? I like to call this self-worship.
- Do you even know what you’re looking for? What are the things that you value in others, a relationship, sex, out of life? When you let your values lead your decisions, you won’t ever feel like you need to escape from your shame the morning after. Explore and then experiment. You can always decide to choose a new value and commit to it instead of what you have been committing to.
- Decide right now, today, in this deliciously shameful moment, that you will stand behind your decisions and start having your own damn back. Release the pressure you have put on yourself to be perfect, because perfection only exists in the world of social media highlight reels. Practice self-acceptance. What would you say to a close girlfriend who confided in you about that one-night stand? If you’re a good friend, you’d likely say, ‘It’s all good boo. Let it go. We all fuck mistakes.’
- You are not who or what you do. So who are you? What are you making this situation mean about you? What stories are you spinning around it? Who do you think this makes you? How are you judging yourself? Overthinking will kill the cat just like curiosity. Stop yourself in your tracks and instead focus on your positive attributes. Likely, you just gave that dude a night he will never forget and a sweet taste that will linger on his palate.
- OK, this one is semi-controversial. Not like politics controversial but like light and love controversial. What if part of you actually enjoys being whoever you judge yourself to be? What if your human wants to experience that low in order to finally heal it? Maybe it’s ancestral, maybe it’s Maybelline. How does it feel when you use shame to calm your nervous system? For instance, if you’re judging yourself as being ‘easy,’ say to yourself, ‘I love the way that being easy feels in my body.’ Now shake the shame off by dancing, running, walking briskly, lifting some weights. Can you feel the negativity lift away from your body?
If you’re just trying to shift the energy from this encounter, those are some excellent tips to release yourself from the grips of societal sex-shaming and conditionings. If you are ready for something different, then decide what that means and start behaving that way. Here’s a bonus tip: change your behavior first then your thoughts will follow.
It’s not about the lady or the dude who got you into bed. This is about you and what you are learning from it. Use the sexcapade as an opportunity to learn about yourself, your patterns, and what you do or do not want for the future. Good luck on your journey, wherever it may lead you. Even if it leads you directly into more hipster suspenders and some craft beer flights. To each their own.”
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