Remember the good ol’ pubescent (aka horny) days? When you were hooking up with your crush and a little hand play was a major deal—and a lot of fun?
Well newsflash: It’s still fun. In fact, it can add another layer of exploration and anticipation to your sexual life, and we’re all for it.
Mutual masturbation can mean when two people mutually, as in side by side, masturbate. Think, phone sex, but in person. However, Certified Sex Therapist Aliyah Moore tells us it can also mean good old handjobs. That goes for all gender-identifying recipients.
“Mutual masturbation is the technical term for giving your partner a handjob or fingering them. Many of us don’t prioritize hand stuff, but it can be essential for improving pleasure and satisfaction in your sex life.
“When exploring sex with a new partner, there really is no better way to learn than with your hands,” Aliyah says. “Touching each other is the best way to find those really sensitive spots and practice the specific motions that lead to better orgasms. It makes you both better at pleasuring each other.”
Like we said, exploration is key to keeping the spark alive.
“Mutual masturbation is also wonderful foreplay—something that too many of us skip way too often,” says Aliyah. “In fact, many couples unsatisfied with their sex lives are losing their drive because they rush to penetrative sex too often. If you have a long-term partner, then mutual masturbation can help encourage foreplay.
“It’s also an excuse to use new toys like vibrators (which aren’t just for vulva owners—they improve erections too), dildos, strokers, and more. It can be easier to try out new toys with your hands before using them for sex.”
And sometimes, we straight up don’t feel like being penetrated. But that doesn’t mean we don’t want to have intimacy. Aliyah explains that there are a million reasons for not being in the mood for penetration:
“You might be too tired, menstruating, or you may not have the time, etc. But helping each other masturbate can be another way to bond, share pleasure, and feel close.”
Four in 10 women actually prefer masturbation to sex, so why not normalize it as part of your partnered sexual experience? It’s easier to communicate with your partner during mutual masturbation than it is during sex, so you’re more likely to tell each other what feels lame, good, and absolutely euphoric.
However, it can be difficult to introduce mutual masturbation to the bedroom, especially if your partner is shy or impatient. The best way to get started is to communicate what you want and see how they feel about it. A great sex life takes work, so don’t be afraid to set aside time to talk about your needs and desires.”
So, where to start?
Aliyah advises, “It’s time to put your hands to work! Take your partner’s hand with your fingers over theirs and guide them through your favorite motions as you teach them what you like. Then reciprocate and discover new ways to pleasure them. Oh, and always have some lube nearby just in case.
“The more you do this, the more natural it will become for both of you. In no time you’ll have added another flavor to your sex life that improves foreplay, increases mutual pleasure, and makes you better with your hands.”
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