Kourt and Scott on Co-Parenting: Part 2 (Transcribed)

Kourt: What are your values as parents?

Scott: I mean I think the biggest value is that we do live a great life and we do let the kids have a lot of great things, but I want to make them as down to earth as possible and treat everybody the same than anybody else and don’t expect to be treated any differently that everybody else. Especially in the world that we live in.

Kourt: I think like also allowing them to have the freedom to be themselves, I think is something that we do and giving… you know letting them be kids we’re not, like we’re not super crazy strict.

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Kourt: It says “what are the top 3 pieces of advice you’d each recommend to new co-parents?”

Scott: That’s hard. Communication.

Kourt: Mhmm.

Scott: Mutual respect.

Kourt: Mhmm.

Scott: And you know, some kind of… you know sympathy towards each other because we’re both going through a lot and it’s a huge adjustment and maybe one of the biggest adjustments your going to deal with in life.

Kourt: Mhmm.

Scott: But it’s one of the important things, how your going to bring your kid up.

Kourt: Yeah. I agree with those.

Scott: Yeah I mean look, thank god we have what we have because our kids aren’t affected by our problem, and they haven’t been. You know?

Kourt: I mean I feel like you don’t really know.

Scott: Well if they are then we’re going to work with them and work through it no matter what. You know?

Kourt: Yeah but I think we’re really, you know, involved parents and, you know, want i don’t know, just are always open to whatever they’re going through and try not to put our stuff on to them.

Scott: Yeah I mean, I don’t think we have much to put on them anymore.

Kourt: Mhmm.

Scott: So we’re lucky.

Kourt: Mhmm.

Scott: But I think we know their the most important thing. I think we get up everyday and we work because we have these kids and that’s like the new chapter of our life and it’s like the coolest chapter.

Kourt: I think at the time, you know, we maybe you weren’t happy about things that I was doing or I think that it did affect our relationship, at the time. But, I think something I’ve learned and that I would do differently is that just being more honest about things. I think I was afraid to like tell you certain things because I thought I didn’t know how you would react, so I think just being honest and, you know, able to communicate and, you know, honesty I think is always …

Scott: The best policy?

Kourt: Better than …

Scott: Lying?

Kourt: (laughs) Thanks. Um yeah and I just think like try… if… I mean I don’t know, I guess not everyone can handle the truth and I think there was a period where it was hard and ….

Scott: I think at the end of the day that you and I realized that we’re both on the same team. We have these children. We’re not looking to hurt each other.

Kourt: Mhmm.

Scott: There is going to be obstacles in our life that will always come up. But, at the end of the day, we can call each other and we always do work it out somehow and we both know that neither of us are trying to hurt the other person.

Kourt: Mhmm.

Scott: So at the end of the day, when you take everything in, and you think about it, and you think “oh wow this is difficult, but is she trying to hurt me or am I trying to hurt her” … No! We just want to figure this out so we can get along and that trickles down to the three unbelievable kids we have and of course sometimes things are not perfect and things come up, just like anything in life and they’re difficult and we don’t have all the answers, but luckily we have our friendship and the love we have for each other, we’re able to talk and figure it out.

Kourt: Yeah.

Scott: But deeply I know that you would never want to do anything to hurt me and the same goes the other direction.

Kourt: But I do think there was a time when it wasn’t … it didn’t seem that easy because we weren’t communicating as well …

Scott: Forsure.

Kourt: And now I think there’s things… even if like your feelings get hurt about something, you’ll call me right away, and say “did you mean…” , you know we talk it through …

Scott: Yeah.

Kourt: Before it escalates to something bigger.

Scott: Yeah.

Kourt: But I think that in the past, you know, communication would’ve only helped any of our problems that we had.

Scott: Listen it’s a really hard thing and I think it’s… it’s easy to jump and make conclusions and, you know, run ahead and start thinking all these different things before we just talked it out, but it’s hard… you know? There’s not a lot of … like no one knows how to do this. Even if you call a friend who’s been through it, they haven’t necessarily been through it the right way, so their not going to tell you either.

Kourt: And everybody goes through it in their own way.

Scott: Yeah and I think we’ve both tried to help each other throughout our lives, you know… and I mean like I can still call you for advice and you can still call me…

Kourt: Mhmm.

Scott: And, you know, I think at the end of the day we both know we’re there for each other so why would we ever have anything against one another.

Kourt: Right. And I think… I know something people are probably wondering is like how do we travel together? Because I do feel… even my parents who did get along after years of not getting along, but um … they, they didn’t travel together, like we didn’t travel together as a family, so i’m sure like, I feel like people are like … think it’s like wild that we travel together.

Scott: Mhmm. I’m not going to make our kids miss out on things, just because we couldn’t figure out how to be a couple.

Kourt: Right.

Scott: Period.

Kourt: But we used to travel together …

Scott: Correct.

Kourt: After we broke up. Um.. we went to Aspen.

Scott: Oh I know.

Kourt: Hawaii… Mexico

Scott: I remember them all.

Kourt: Umm.. But i’m just saying like we would just go and be mature and go as a family and …

Scott: Yeah, we …

Kourt: I don’t think everyone could do that.

Scott: Yeah I don’t think. And by the way I don’t think other people will ever be able to really live their lives, if they do it that way, maybe…

Kourt: Yeah!

Scott: It’s not exactly…

Kourt: Yeah it’s not the best.

Scott: It’s not our advice to tell other people how they want to live but, you know, different strokes for different folks.

Kourt: I mean I think it’s because, you know, that we decided that we wanted our kids to have these memories together as a family and I didn’t want to miss out on a trip and …

Scott: Same.

Kourt: You didn’t want to miss out on a trip and I know every time you take the kids on a trip and I don’t go, you invite me because you …

Scott: Would never want you to not be there.

Kourt: Are like “I don’t… I wouldn’t want you to miss out on that” but sometimes I’m like “no it’s your birthday, like you guys do your thing” and you know i’ll go and I’ll plan something for the same days, you know, when your gone. But, so I think it’s nice to do things together and we can have our own experiences separately …

Scott: No…

Kourt: (laughs)

Scott: I agree, but we know that.

Kourt: Okay.

Scott: I am so thankful for what we have. Everyday I wake up, and I thank you, I thank god, thank everybody that’s around us and helps us, you know it’s… without this I don’t think I would be able to live the life that I do. I’m very grateful for it all.

Kourt: Me too.

Scott: And I feel like you’ve stepped up as being a really amazing mom and mature and, you know, went through a lot with me and were able to help me when I needed help and now I feel like I’m able to help you and … it’s really weird talking to you.

Kourt: (laughs) I’m definitely the parent who is a little more into following, like the rules, would you agree?

Scott: I think you’re like that about everything.

Kourt: Yeah, but so I think I try to, you know, I’ll try to like remind you or remind the kids of, you know, certain things that I would like for them to do over there, ummm… you know, things we do over here and so I think that’s kind of how we try to keep the rules of both houses or if I feel like something is not happening then I’ll remind you, like “remember kids do this”.

Scott: Yeah trust me I know, I get the reminders.

Kourt: (laughs) So…

Scott: At the end of the day, the only difference of us all living together under one roof is we have two houses that are a few miles apart.

Kourt: Right.

Scott: And they bounce around, back and forth, you know, we try to keep the same products, the same foods, the same schedules…

Kourt: Yeah.

Scott: We talk the same, we act the same. We don’t talk about each other behind their backs. We tell the kids how much we love mom and dad. We call each other every night before bed and make sure we stay on the same rules. I mean …

Kourt: Yeah.

Scott: It’s not brain surgery but you know, we made a plan, we stick to it, we work that plan, and it works out.

Kourt: We have our during the week schedule that we stick to and like Scott had something come up so we switched days this week, just by…

Scott: We pushed one day.

Kourt: We switched one day with another day and then um… on the weekend… because I feel like sticking to those days allows us to plan for other stuff…

Scott: Yeah. But we both, I think at this point are very easy with switching, taking, and if any of the kids say they want to stay somewhere else we’re not going to take that away from them. I mean if Mason’s like…

Kourt: Not but for the most part we stick to it during the week …

Scott: Yeah.

Kourt: And then on the weekends we’re flexible for wherever they want to stay, for the most part.
Scott: Yeah but I also think that we work together, just like anything else. You’d be like “hey I have a trip coming up or I have to go away for a day” and I say the same, we’re like “okay great, we’ll swap out”.

Kourt: Mhmm.

Scott: Like we’re not like “ugh, I have that day” or we don’t fight for holidays or birthdays, I mean we live the same life.

Kourt: No we do that… we do holidays and birthdays together.

Scott: Yeah it’s a good situation.

Kourt: I feel like for the most part we agree on… and I think that if my weird little rules that are, you know, like put the snack into a bowl instead of eat it out of the bag like all my…

Scott: Yeah I know, that’s where I worry the kids aren’t going to be raised normal.

Kourt: No but I think that those are…

Scott: Those are your things, and I get it.

Kourt: Little things and I think…

Scott: I don’t think anybody else would deal with that.

Kourt: But I think that you’re good at following… like listening to me and…

Scott: I know how you are. I’ve known you a long time.

Kourt: Yeah.

Scott: Sometimes it can be hard for me to take because I think and I feel like you’re putting me down.

Kourt: Okay.

Scott: But I really do know at the end of the day, there’s just these little things that drive you crazy in your head and I don’t think you mean to hurt my feelings…

Kourt: Mhmm.

Scott: You’d understand that I am sensitive and because I am trying to raise the best family I can possibly raise with you…

Kourt: Mhmm.

Scott: But I know how you are. And that’s just you and I don’t judge you for it. And I know those little things can make you frustrated. And anything I can do to make you feel better, I want to do.

Kourt: Mhmm.

Scott: Like I’m never going to try to fight you on something to be the bigger man or the bigger guy or “my kid is not going to do this because I am the man here” …

Kourt: Mhmm.

Scott: That’s not how I live my life. Like the truth is there’s some things that I might not agree with you with, but I do know at the end, you’re usually right.

Kourt: Right I don’t think I’m saying anything…

Scott: You don’t.

Kourt: Thats…

Scott: They’re annoying.

Kourt: Right.

Scott: But, I get it. And at the end of the day they aren’t wrong, they’re just a bit annoying.

Kourt: Exactly.

Scott: Everything you say is always beneficial.. Am I right?

Kourt: Mhmm…

Scott: Always beneficial to the kids. You’ve never once said “hey why don’t you get a product that has more chemicals in it”, you know what I mean.

Kourt: Right let’s just let them…

Scott: They’re always good things. Sometimes they feel like could be …

Kourt: Too …

Scott: Not annoying but nagging-ish.

Kourt: Mhmm.

Scott: But when I think and I stop and I rewind, I’m like “okay, she’s only thinking and trying and caring” and I’m like “okay why would I not try to” and so it works out.

Kourt: Well I appreciate your um… understanding.

Scott: I appreciate the appreciation.

Kourt: Okay. So, yeah. I think that’s it.

Scott: Thanks for having me on Poosh. And goodluck.

Kourt: Thanks for being our 2nd or 3rd interview.

Scott: Only because we’ve had to reschedule. I was top pick.

Kourt: Yes you were number 1 or 2… I think you were number 1.

Scott: Thanks.

Kourt: 2 was…

Scott: I’m really excited though for your website.

Kourt: Thank you.

Scott: And it is very very amazing. And I am very happy that you went with Poosh. From the heart.