In case you missed the memo: Good sex is not a luxury. It is an essential.
As the Pleasure Princess, I tell people not to be shy when it comes to adding fun in the bedroom—like using the Play Primer by Runi for those intense, life-changing orgasms. But I also hope to remind everyone that incredible sex starts by claiming your sexual energy with an intentional and conscious mindset.
Just like you need food to function, you need to f*ck to function well. But like food, not all sex is created equal. So although the BBQ chips might sound good right now, you deserve pasta and lobster on your roster, baby girl.
Junk Food Sex vs. Soul Food Sex
Junk Food Sex is the empty calories of sex—appealing in the moment but offering little in terms of nourishment. It is any sexual interaction that leaves you feeling depleted and unsatisfied.
Soul Food Sex on the other hand is epicurean. It is the Hailey Bieber smoothie at Erewhon—nourishing, satisfying, and energizing. It encompasses all of your body, brain, spirit, heart, and soul with self-awareness, vulnerability, communication, and your pleasure rather than performance.
Some people may use the terms “Junk Food Sex” and “casual sex” interchangeably. Anecdotally, casual sex can leave you feeling unsatiated. It is important to realize Junk Food Sex can happen inside a traditional, committed relationship, and Soul Food Sex can exist outside those boundaries. It is less about the who and when and more about the how and why when it comes to having Soul Food Sex.
So how can you upgrade from Junk Food Sex to Soul Food Sex?
It is so important to be clear on your highest sexual self and how to fully embody that. Soul Food Sex, whether casual or committed, can only happen when there is an awareness of what you want.
- Do you need affirmation during sex? During foreplay
- Do you enjoy power play, toys, or lubricant?
Experiment with yourself and learn to be comfortable in your pleasure zone. Build the capacity in your body to experience pleasure and desire by learning not only what you love, but also to love yourself as a sexual being.
Be discerning with your partners
After determining your sexual needs, find out if the person you’re with makes you feel comfortable. Can you be honest with this person and tell them what you need from sex in order for it to be satisfying?
Set expectations and communicate
Know what kind of expectations you may be placing on yourself and the other person.
- Do you know what your overall motivation for sex is?
- Are you experimenting with a kink?
- Do you want to get into a long-term relationship?
- Do you want to show love and affection?
- Have you been engaging in “service sex” and want to shift out of that habit?
Remember your body is not just a vessel for your partner’s pleasure. It is okay to have boundaries and to communicate them. Get vulnerable. Open up the lines of communication. Make sex and the type of sex you have something you choose.
Take it out of the bedroom
Find ways to feel fulfilled and content beyond the bedroom without solely focusing on sex. Get holistic with it. Focus on conscious connections in other areas of your life, whether that is being more intentional with the foods you eat, the relationships you have (sexual and non-sexual), the activities you do, your workout or your skincare routine. Get comfortable actualizing what you truly want, and go get it.
With an intentional, conscious mindset, you can get clear on your highest self and how to embody who that person is. There needs to be communication, authenticity, and honesty with yourself as much as your partner(s) to feel erotic and energized. And while a little bit of Junk Food Sex likely won’t hurt you, it is Soul Food Sex or bust, baby!
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