There are countless tips and tricks for how to reach the G-spot, ways to stimulate the clit, and a billion and one positions (some fantastic, some … questionable). But is there really a physical formula when it comes to finishing with a bang when we, er, bang?
For men, it’s mostly physical. They are visual creatures, but also much more simple when it comes to stimulating sexual feelings or deriving sexual pleasure. For women, it’s a lot more complex.
Feeling sexy and confident
For starters, if a woman isn’t feeling sexy herself, it’s much more difficult for her to feel sexual. Sexual feelings and feeling sexy go hand in hand, even though one is a secure feeling of confidence in her appeal, and the other is external stimuli. This is why affirmations are important in the bedroom. It’s crucial to make sure that our own, or our female partner’s, confidence is supported, especially when not initially feeling “in the mood.”
Many people say that sex is a great way to relax, and while that post-orgasm feeling may leave us feeling floaty and ready to drift off, it’s difficult to get there if we are feeling tense. Feeling relaxed is a key mental player when it comes to female sexual arousal and satisfaction.
Many forms of stress begin in the mind and ricochet throughout the body when it comes to hormones and muscle tension. When we are stressed, it’s incredibly difficult to relax our bodies enough to derive feelings of pleasure; sensual touch may feel numb or even annoying when we’re under stress or anxiety. If chronic stress from work, or, say, this near-year of a deadly global pandemic is affecting sexual desire, try breathwork, meditation, and relaxing herbs like ashwagandha and rhodiola to set a relaxed stage for the body and mind in order to be receptive to pleasure.
Sexual mindfulness goes hand in hand with regular, daily mindfulness. When we are present with the task at hand, we are able to become immersed in it. The same goes for sexual desire and pleasure. So often, our minds are elsewhere. One can imagine that this makes it incredibly hard to reach climax. Focusing on every sensation thoughtfully and mindfully has the ability to intensify feelings of pleasure, help us identify what feels good and what doesn’t, and expedite our state of bliss. So concentrate on the physical sensations, and try to only let your mind wander to erotic places.
This study explores that female sexual desire is driven by psychological longing for union and closeness, which is then expressed physically. While longing may be difficult for married couples, long-term relationships, and anyone hunkered down together in quarantine, this is where the importance of foreplay becomes apparent. Foreplay often creates the feeling of longing, building not only physical tension (the good kind, not anxiety or chronic stress as discussed above) but also mental tension. The theory is that when this tension builds and is finally released, the satisfaction escalates as well.
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