Hello again, dear friend Anonymous. Welcome back to our sex talk, where readers submit questions, then we do our research and craft a story to answer as many questions as we can. This week, we’re tackling the very relatable feeling that everyone is having more sex than us. Here’s advice from global leading sexologist Juliet Allen, founder of Authentic Sex Podcast and Pleasure School.
I feel like everyone is having more sex than me! Help!
This feeling is very common! Here’s the thing though—the topic of sex is still relatively taboo in our culture, so we don’t talk about it enough. And even if we do, many of us don’t tell the absolute truth about our sex life. What this leads to is people making assumptions and comparisons about other people’s sex lives. For example, we assume a friend is having more sex than us, but behind closed doors, they’re not. On the other hand, maybe they are, and that’s OK!
We can’t all be having the same amount of sex each week—our sex lives ebb and flow, as does our libido, and comparing ourselves to others isn’t healthy. You do you, remembering your sex life is unique and perfect just the way it is. (And, if not much is happening in your sex life right now, know that it will be soon; it’s just a matter of timing.
Stop comparing. Comparison is a killer. If you are desiring a fun and active sex life, then work on letting go of anything that is holding you back from that! Everyone needs to accept the fact that, single or in a relationship, our libido goes up and down, and so does the amount of sex we are enjoying. And remember that “having sex” doesn’t always have to mean you are sharing it with others. You can self-pleasure and enjoy sex with yourself—this is the foundation of a great sex life.
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