This month’s Poosh Wellness Club theme is play. And while we fully support the fun kind, we’re also interested in the version that helps you stop overthinking, loosen the grip on perfection, and try the thing your inner critic keeps trying to reschedule.
Which brings us to Tara Mohr, author of the bestselling book Playing Big: Practical Wisdom for Women Who Want to Speak Up, Create and Lead.
Mohr speaks to the very specific moment when you feel called toward something bigger, and then immediately start talking yourself out of it. It’s the next version of your life feeling exciting until your brain starts drafting a list of reasons to stay exactly where you are.
The inner critic loves a delay
That voice is what Mohr calls the inner critic. It can be loud, but it can also be subtle. Sometimes it sounds like caution. Sometimes it sounds like perfectionism. Sometimes it sounds like common sense with a very judgmental undertone.
Although we sometimes think that being hard on ourselves pushes us to improve, as Mohr writes, “If you care about your physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being, listening to the inner critic is not a viable way to stay motivated.”
The tricky part is that the inner critic often sounds responsible. It tells you it is protecting you from failure, judgment, or awkwardness. It loves a delay. It adores a “maybe later.” It can turn one brave idea into a 45-minute mental spiral while you are standing in the kitchen pretending to refill your water.
But Mohr’s point is simple and useful: you do not have to make the critic disappear. You just have to stop letting it make your decisions.
“The goal is to hear the inner critic’s voice but not let that voice determine your choices,” she writes.
In other words, the voice can speak. It does not get to vote.
Mohr also teaches the idea of the inner mentor, which is basically the wiser, steadier version of you. Less panic. Better boundaries. Probably hydrated.
She is the part of you who already knows that shrinking has never made you safer in any meaningful way. She is the voice that says:
It will be okay. It really will.
Can’t hurt to ask.
Do it the way you really want to – there’s more room for that than you think.
When you feel caught between two options and neither feels great, she’s the one that dreams up the creative third option you never thought of before. She’s also the authentic you, you without all the people-pleasing and shapeshifting for others.
The inner mentor does not shame you into action. She gives you direction. She reminds you that playing big can feel scary and still be right. She teaches you how to stop confusing discomfort with danger.
We all know we have an inner critic. Its voice is loud. But many of us aren’t aware of the inner mentor’s centered, loving voice. We have to get quiet and slow down – even for just a few moments – to hear the inner mentor’s voice.
One simple way to tap into her wisdom is to ask ourselves: what would the much older, wiser me want me to know in this situation? How would she handle it?
One of the most useful parts of Mohr’s work is the way she reframes motivation. So much of self-improvement is built around guilt. Work out because you “should.” Start the thing because you feel behind. Do more because you are already disappointed in yourself.
But Mohr reminds us, “We’re more likely to be successful in achieving our goals if we are motivated by a spirit of self-care rather than guilt or self-criticism.”
That feels especially relevant for women, because many of us were trained to treat self-pressure like ambition. We call it discipline. We call it high standards. Sometimes it is. Other times, it is just the inner critic pretending to be your chief of staff.
Playing big does not require you to be harder on yourself. It asks you to be better supported.
Mohr writes that sustainable action comes from putting “an abundance of supports” in place, including routines that make desired behaviors the “default mode” in our daily lives.
Playing big can sound like a dramatic reinvention, but most of the time it starts in smaller, more ordinary moments.
Your inner critic may still show up. Fine. She can sit in the corner with her tiny clipboard and a sparkling water.
You have things to try.
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