People tend to speculate that someone who is shy might be an animal in the bedroom, or vice versa. This could be true just as much as it could not be. How you present yourself and your own perception of who you are can be pretty good indicators of who you become or remain between the sheets. Autumn Morris, Certified Sex Educator and the CEO and founder of Speaking of Sex, broke it down for us.
“Our experience with our personality within society affects whether we choose to remain in that role in our sex lives. This includes how our personality is perceived by others, how we perceive ourselves, and how society as a whole reacts to who we are.” What this means is, your favorite brash, outspoken-to-a-fault friend might cause a ruckus in the bedroom if she perceives her social behavior as well received.
But, if she’s constantly putting her foot in her mouth and face-palming later in the privacy of her own home, she might be more inclined to let someone else take charge in her private time. “Someone who has a dominant personality—but it causes them stress and/or drains them—may be more inclined to be submissive in the bedroom to escape this personality trait and explore a new role with freedom.”
The opposite goes for those confident in their personality traits. “If they are confident with that personality trait based on their experience within society, they would be more inclined to be dominant in the bedroom,” Morris explains. This is where things get exciting and tricky. Morris tells us that this extension of personality into the bedroom can expand one’s euphoria and reinforce their positive experiences. But conversely, those who are dominant socially even though it produces negativity “may be inclined to remain dominant but rewrite the meaning of dominance and allow dominance to symbolize pleasure instead of stress in this intimate space.”
Yeah, a lot of gray area. Morris illustrates the beauty of this. “Sexuality allows room for you to explore and diversify your personality through pleasure, connection, and intimacy. So while personality and your experience with personality within society affect your sex life, your sex life can also further develop your personality.” In essence, Morris believes that subconsciously, how we interact with the world is constantly informing our sexual expression behind closed doors.