I used to have a fear of change. Until I realized that life is full of it, and fearing it was causing me unnecessary suffering.
When we work to accept change and the fact that life is in a constant state of change, we can learn to be less terrified and anxious when making needed life changes.
Often, you’ll hear of a friend who’s miserable in their career or fed up in their relationship. They keep venting, and you keep listening, wondering why they don’t just up and leave. Or perhaps you’ve been this friend.
They/you are fearful of change. Deciding to make a change can be paralyzing.
The clinical term for fear of change is actually known as metathesiophobia. People with this phobia are terrified of change because change to them equates to the unknown, which makes them feel powerless and out of control.
So how does someone change their mindset and go from being paralyzed and fearful of big life changes to embracing and accepting change?
I suggest a few ways:
1. Identify the root cause of the fear.
It’s helpful to work with a healer, therapist, or coach to figure out why change freaks you out so much. Perhaps you felt out of control as a child when moving from school to school. Your parents may not have prepared you for all the changes you experienced, so, as an adult, you possess a deep fear about big life changes. Other root causes may be generalized anxiety, trauma, perfectionist tendencies, and self-esteem issues.
2. Get out your trusty journal.
Write down what surfaces for you when you think about big life changes. Some questions to ask yourself:
- Why can’t I leave the relationship I’m unhappy in?
- What would happen if I did?
- Why can’t I leave the job I’ve been feeling stagnant in and make a career shift?
You’ll notice that, irrespective of your answers, there will be a common denominator. All your answers will center on limiting beliefs, which are fueled by fear.
3. Write down this mantra
“What I am not changing, I am choosing and allowing.”
This is perhaps one of my all-time favorite things to recite to a client when they are feeling stuck in a relationship, a job, or a habit they don’t like and are afraid of change. It’s good to remind ourselves that we always have the power to change, and the reason we aren’t is simply fear. And fear is just energy. Nothing is getting in our way except ourselves.
Take baby steps in the direction of change. As a creature of habit who craves certainty and consistency, this may mean creating a goal of commuting to work a different way this week. Or it may mean trying a new food or new matcha place.
Whatever it is, commit to making a small change so that you can begin to prepare for larger life changes.
5. Practice extra self-care when feeling particularly fearful of large life changes.
Try scheduling a massage, meditating, or immersing yourself in nature to feel more grounded.
Remember, change is an inevitable part of life. It really is the only constant.
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Tamarin Oblowitz holds a master’s in Clinical Psychology and has trained at prestigious clinics in Beverly Hills, California. Through her travels, attending Balinese healing and yoga retreats, and life experiences, Tam has merged her psychotherapy experience and background with her spiritual guidance and intuitive and energetic healing capabilities. She now calls Sydney, Australia, home. Tam offers one-on-one sessions (in-person and virtual) that merge the traditional psychotherapy model with more holistic spiritual guidance and healing. Follow her on Instagram at @EmpowHERhealing.
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