It’s natural to assume your dating life is suffering if you find yourself single during this pandemic.
However, blaming the pandemic will only continue to yield you the unsatisfying outcome of not finding your person.
I coach from the belief that it’s your thoughts that create your results—not the pandemic or even the dating apps that seem to have a very limited selection of appealing prospects, if any at all, that hold you back from creating your ideal relationship.
Truth be told, over the last nine months of this nightmare we’ve all been enduring, I’ve seen more successful love stories unfold than I’ve seen in the three years I’ve solely been coaching on heartbreak, dating, and relationships.
What’s worked for my clients is shifting their focus to the pros of dating during the pandemic, versus the cons that are so human for us to fixate on.
Singles are now forced to be more direct, clear, and deliberate with whomever they’re interacting with.
Questions like, “Have you hugged or kissed anyone in the last two weeks?” are now super fair to ask—of course, after you’ve met in person, and it’s clear you both want to take things to a physical level.
It can feel awkward and clunky, but it invites those who genuinely want a real connection to be more self-owned and courageous about what it is they’re looking for, which will only accelerate the process of finding their ideal person.
Here are some tips to keep in mind on your venture for love during the time of corona!
Editor’s note: Although this article uses male pronouns, the advice applies to all sexual orientations and gender identities.
1. Video chat before meeting.
I was never a fan of this pre the pandemic, but now I think it makes so much sense, even if we weren’t in isolation! Video chatting saves you time and energy in figuring out if there’s a connection or not. Of course, there’s nothing like meeting in person, but before you get to that point, video-chat so you can figure out if it’s worth adding another person to your pod. And have fun with it! If you drink, make yourself a cocktail. And even though he can’t smell you, put on some fancy perfume. Energy is everything, and feeling like it’s a real in-person date will make the initial awkwardness more relaxed and fun.
2. Make it no more than three video chats.
S#%t or get off the pot! Sure, there are always extenuating circumstances, like maybe he has his kids for an extended period of time, or you just traveled so you need to quarantine before you know you’re clear. Be safe and responsible, but don’t fall into the trap of being regular video-chat buddies or pen pals. Make sure you’re both on the same page about meeting up sooner rather than later, and keep your options open in the meantime. If he keeps changing the plan about getting together, yet wants to continue chit-chatting away, be direct: “Hey, I’m interested in meeting you in person. When you’re available to do that, let me know.” And then continue to explore other people, until he saddles up and makes a plan.
3. Ask what he’s looking for.
This is a question everyone should ask, regardless of the state of the world, but it’s a question that many want to shy away from and/or assume his answer will be aligned with theirs. Don’t assume. Ask. Not that his answer is guaranteed to be the truth, or guarantees you guys are the right fit, but you’ll get a better sense of him and what he’s looking for when you ask him. You’re also showing him that you’re not messing around. Whether he ends up being your person or not, doesn’t matter. You’re showing up as the woman who’s unapologetic about what she wants, which will only bring you that much closer to your person.
4. Ask his COVID comfort level.
Everyone’s on different pages about what they are/aren’t comfortable with, regarding COVID. You have every right to ask, and it’s a great indicator as to how compatible the two of you are or are not. Even if he seems a bit laxer than you, or vice versa, it will be interesting to see how a vulnerable question is received, and who’s willing to honor the more COVID-conscious person’s boundary, in order to get to know each other.
5. Ask fun and thought-provoking questions.
Not that you wouldn’t on a normal in-person date, but my clients have come up with fun ways to connect via video-chatting. You can find lists online or come up with some on your own. I did this with my partner when we were initially getting to know each other—even in person, it’s a great way to connect. Questions like:
Who was your favorite teacher and why?
What is your perfect day?
What risk are you happy that you took?
What does success look like to you?
What’s a defining moment in your life?
What challenges do you want to overcome?
Not only are the possibilities still endless on your search for love during a pandemic, but I truly believe the odds are even more in your favor when you get clear about how this circumstance is serving you vs. hurting you, and you follow the above guidelines.
