How Long is Too Long in Bed? Poosh Investigates

Nicole

The absolutely penetrative part…for me…13 minutes max, LOL.

Allie

I love how specific 13 minutes is.

Nicole

If he knows what he’s doing, I only need 7.

—excerpt from Poosh’s editorial Slack channel

Hello again, dear friend Anonymous. Welcome back to our sex talk column. For this installment, we’ve got something a little special for ya. Today’s query comes straight from Poosh’s very own editorial Slack channel: How long is too long in bed?

This is a topic that has come up several times, and we decided that it deserves a more thorough investigation. So we tapped the rest of the Poosh team, along with sexologist Juliet Allen, for insight.

Here for a good time, not a long time

Many Poosh team members expressed that they’d prefer a quickie over sex that lasts a long time. “Sometimes less is more—and this is one of those times,” one Poosh team member wrote. “Once I orgasm, I’m done—kind of like the guy is too. And if I’m not going to orgasm, I can tell, and then I just get dry and chafe and would rather use my vibrator to finish myself. Probably why my most serious relationship to date is with my vibrator!”

And, as another put it, “I’m more of a ‘get in, get’ out kinda girl LOL.” The phrase “clit rugburn” was thrown out there as well.

“It seems to be thought of as the mecca experience, right? An ‘all-nighter’ with the person of your dreams. But reality is, if we’re enjoying really quality sex—the type of sex where we feel deeply connected and heaps of orgasmic pleasure—then we don’t necessarily have to be going all night long to feel content,” Juliet says. “In fact, I think most people would say that they’d be really happy with a good-quality f*ck for an hour or so and then a big sleep. I know that’s my idea of fun.”

Keep in mind that it doesn’t have to be 60+ minutes of straight pounding. (As we talked about in this article, many of us were taught that sex = penetration, which is very much not true.) The time can also include things like foreplay, seduction, edging, fingering, and cuddling.

In fact, a study found that the best quality sex—not including foreplay and cuddling and all that—was about 13 minutes long. (Related: the opening paragraph of this article.)

Oh, I got stamina

Obvs, not everyone is against hours upon hours of getting railed. “How long is too long to orgasm?! Um. Never too long,” one Pooshie wrote. “Especially for women who are trying to orgasm with their internal G-spot. It takes time and rhythm. The best is when he waits for you, so it’s timed perfectly.”

A Poosh team member who typically prefers “shorter duration sex” even says that one of her favorite sexual experiences actually lasted for hours.*

“I’m fine to go however long, as long as they are making me orgasm multiple times in a row, which is hard to find. I think it’s all about the connection and experience, not necessarily duration,” another adds.

“We also need to remember that everyone is different,” adds Juliet. “We all have very different sexual desires, and these change throughout our life. So when we’re younger, it may be all about f*cking for hours, but not about the quality of the f*ck. And when we grow older and have more experience, we generally tend to choose quality over quantity—ecstatic sex that doesn’t need to last all night. No judgment on either option. They’re both fun, and both have their place!”

*She notes that it may have been so amazing despite lasting hours because it involved two men, lots of oral and fingering, and zero penises going inside her. Quite the case for having more non-penetrative sex!