Have you ever caught yourself saying things like:
- “I’d love to, but I’m just not the kind of person who can do that.”
- “It’s harder for me because of my past.”
- “That works for other people, but my situation is different.”
You may think you’re explaining your reality. But here’s the hard truth: When you fight for your limitations, you keep them.
It’s not just a catchy phrase. It’s neuroscience. And it’s one of the biggest reasons people stay stuck, even when they’re working hard to change.
Your brain has something called the reticular activating system (RAS). It’s like a filter that helps you focus on what matters and ignore the rest. But here’s the catch: Your RAS doesn’t decide what’s important—you do.
When you tell yourself a story like, “I can’t succeed because I’m not good enough,” your RAS works to prove you right. It highlights every mistake, every obstacle, and every moment of doubt. And it filters out opportunities or evidence that might challenge that belief.
In other words, your brain will fight for the story you give it, even if that story is keeping you stuck. Every time you say these things, you’re reinforcing them. You’re wiring them deeper into your subconscious mind. And because the subconscious drives 95% of your decisions, those excuses become self-fulfilling prophecies.
This is why “thinking positive” often doesn’t work. You can’t out-think a belief that’s deeply wired into your subconscious. But here’s the good news: Just as limiting beliefs can be wired into your brain, so you can also rewire them.
Here are five tips for rewiring your brain:
1. Notice the stories you tell yourself.
Pay attention to phrases like, “I can’t because …” or “It’s harder for me.” Write them down, and notice which stories come up again and again. Awareness is the first step in understanding which stories are limiting you.
For every limitation you’ve identified, ask yourself, “Is this always true?” Look for evidence that contradicts the belief. Your RAS will start noticing new opportunities when you challenge old patterns.
3. Shift from logic to emotion.
Instead of trying to logically convince yourself to change, try asking yourself, “What emotion is driving this belief?” Work on clearing the fear, guilt, or sadness tied to it. Emotional shifts lead to lasting behavioral changes.
4. Reframe your emotions around your limiting beliefs.
Take one belief you’ve been holding onto, and reframe it emotionally. For example, if you’re thinking, “I can’t do this because I’m not enough,” embrace the opposite emotion. In this case, it’s capability. Close your eyes, and visualize one particular incident where you felt capable.
Now, feel that feeling again. Feel it rushing through your body and “anchor” it in by pressing your thumb and pointer finger together for a few seconds while feeling that emotion. Anytime you feel that limiting emotion, use your “anchor” and the feeling of capability will come rushing back into your body.
5. Start small, stay consistent.
Pick one limiting belief, and commit to re-emotioning it daily. Over time, your brain will naturally adopt the new belief, and aligning your actions with it will feel effortless.
By working with your emotions instead of against them, you can rewire your mind for opportunities and success. It’s not about fighting harder, it’s about fighting smarter.
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Rochelle Carrington is a coach, speaker, and co-creator of Emotional Intelligence Blueprinting, a mindset coaching process based in neuroscience. Read more over at Mindset Matters by Emotional Blueprinting/Rochelle Carrington.
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