You clicked into this article so odds are you need some advice on how to reach an orgasm. We got you. Climaxing takes effort sometimes, and that’s perfectly normal. We know you’ve seen the TikToks of men asking women how it really feels to get off. And the responses … well, the majority of women agree most times it can be challenging. Women describe it by saying, “It feels like you have to sneeze then it never comes” or “It’s like you’re listening to your favorite song and at the best part, the track goes mute.” Oof, we all know the feeling.
So how do we reach that mind-blowing, exorcism-level orgasm? With the help of Dr. Kate Balestrieri—licensed psychologist, certified sex and PACT couples therapist, and founder of Modern Intimacy in Los Angeles, California—who has shared her (s)expert knowledge on steamy topics (like how to teach yourself to squirt, everything you need to know about edging and rocking, if nipple orgasms are real, ways to increase your libido, sex stage fright, and more), we’re bringing you sexual hacks to (hopefully) help you get TF off. Because you deserve it.
“Orgasms come in all shapes, sizes, sounds, and strengths. Some feel like a low quiver, others like an earthquake about to shatter your … well, you get the picture. Other times, a climax just isn’t in the cards, and it can be as much of a bummer as it is a mystery. If reaching orgasm is something that escapes you more often than not, you might consider talking to your OB/GYN or a pelvic floor specialist to rule out any medical or structural issues that might be impeding orgasm.
Too much pressure is also a climax killer. Nothing snuffs out an orgasm faster than the expectation of or demand for its arrival. Whether the pressure is coming from you or your partner, your orgasm is probably not coming out of hiding if the heat is too demanding. Lack of energy can get in the way as well; when fatigue is dominant, your body goes into energy conservation mode and is less likely to expend vital resources for a little fun.
Helpful hacks to try:
Relax your mind, body, and expectations. Ensure you make some time for grounding and self-love—affirmations included—if you tend to tense up during sex or under the pressure of whether or not you’ll reach climax.
Sometimes your partner just isn’t hitting the mark. If that’s the case, kindly talk to them and teach them how to please you. At the end of the day, you’re responsible for your own orgasm.
Slow down, especially if you find yourself checking out or dissociating. Bodies require finesse, and if all they experience is a jackhammer, they may not be able to fully open up to the experience that slower sensations allow. Play with different sensations, speeds, and temperatures. Get creative and investigate how your body responds to different things.
Make eye contact. Sexual pleasure can infinitely increase with safety, trust, and connection, and the eyes are the windows to each other’s sexual and emotional souls.
Schedule an appointment with a sex therapist. They are trained to help people move through sexual blockades and into a more empowered and enlivened sexual state.”
The Poosh team has some hot tips to add to the orgasm hacks list as well:
When you’re riding your partner, try using external stimulation too, whether it’s with a vibrator or your fingers.
If you like it deep, give these barz a whirl. You can read the full review here (hint: the leverage helps get just that much deeper for internal pleasure).
When you feel like you’re about to get off, get a little louder with your voice (or breathing) to keep the momentum up.
Practice makes perfect so play with yourself and learn where it hits to make you really feel it. Then guide your partner to replicate the movements. Teamwork, baby.
Dr. Kate leaves us with a great reminder. “Whatever you do, don’t fake it! Be honest with your partner if you’re ready to stop. Championing the journey and not the destination takes the pressure off. Re-envision the goal of sex to be one that is centered on pleasure, not performance. You’ll be surprised at how good it feels.”
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