Humans live for sensual and sexual pleasure. Foreplay is not a lost art, though sometimes it can feel daunting to try new things or tricky to make the time for a lengthy love-making session. But foreplay matters. A lot. Here’s why.
Foreplay gets the body primed for pleasure in many ways. It is key to having next-level hot sex. It increases a sense of attunement between two people and gets them focused on the moment and each other. Foreplay brings sexual play to a more conscious level, increasing intensity, which is a sexy plus. Focusing on foreplay can improve confidence, trust, and a felt sense of safety, creating a deeper connection and bond (important even on a one-night stand!).
Prepare for a full sensory experience, one that ignites passion with pleasurable sights, sounds, smells, touches, and tastes. When the senses are fully engaged, the whole body feels alive and more receptive to pleasure. Unforgettable sex starts in the brain and is a full mind and body experience.
So now you’re ready to get frisky. Tease each other. Take your time. Women’s arc of sexual pleasure generally takes a little longer to ramp up than men’s. This is where foreplay helps too, as you’re more likely to climax closer together.
Tips for foreplay with men:
1) Men are visual creatures. They love to look and be teased visually. Slowly undress for your man. Play peep show and watch him go bananas with excitation.
2) Slowly run your nails or fingertips across his skin. Trace his calves, the backs of his knees, the curve of his butt, and all the way up his back, with long, slow strokes.
3) Blow on his skin gently and alternate with slow kisses, to change the sensation of your breath with the wetness of his softly kissed skin.
4) Artful oral sex is a gift to any partner. Get creative and let your mouth wander to his testicles and below, to the space between his testicles and anus. This spot is incredibly sensitive, and a little pressure from your tongue or finger can be pleasurable beyond his wildest dreams.
Tips for foreplay with women:
1) Women love to be adored. Look at them, take their body in with your eyes. Smile at them. Tell and show them you appreciate what you see.
2) Kiss her neck, her stomach, the insides of her thighs. Don’t rush right to her nipples or vagina. Explore the rest of her body and watch her dance with delight.
3) Stroke her hair or face and kiss her softly. Sensations born out of this kind of touching elicit safety and tenderness, which can free women up for more openness to pleasure.
4) Be vocal. Some women like dirty talk, some want to hear you pant and moan. Verbal feedback gives women more confidence that you are enjoying the moment (just like their moans reinforce your efforts), so don’t be afraid to breathe heavily, let out a few compliments, and tell her what you like along the way.
Don’t forget to make eye contact with each other. Verbalize how you feel about your partner and say their name aloud. This stimulates all kinds of sexy, intense, and loving feelings. Above all, communicate what you like. No one act of foreplay works for everyone. It is key to give your partner constructive feedback so they can learn what works for you and what doesn’t.
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Dr. Kate Balestrieri is a licensed psychologist, certified sex therapist, certified sex addiction therapist, PACT therapist, and founder of Modern Intimacy, a group practice in Los Angeles, Miami, and Chicago. Listen to her podcast, Modern Intimacy, and follow her on IG @drkatebalestrieri.
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